Stop telling your friends you're fat.

We all have that friend.  The one who is constantly talking about her diet, her workouts, her appearance.  The one whose body issues are never far away.  And while you may think that indulging her a little and letting her vent about her recent lack of gym motivation or finals-induced chub is healthy, it turns out you're wrong: not only is it bad for her, it's bad for you too.  Really bad.

A recent study from Mount Alison University in Canada has discovered that the single most significant factor in a woman's body image, moreso even than her actual weight or body shape, is how her friends feel about their own bodies.

Let that just sink in for a moment.   Then, to give yourself an idea of how true this is on a personal level, just think about how often body issues come up in your conversations.  Now imagine that nobody ever discussed their weight, their latest diet, or their gym routine.  You wouldn't have nearly as much to compare yourself to, and if you read this blog regularly, you should know by now that comparing yourself to others leads to a multitude of body-acceptance sins.  I think Theodore Roosevelt said it best:

 This is actually surprisingly good news! Let me just break this down for you: you know how you've always thought that if you were just a little bit skinnier or a little bit taller or a little bit more this or a little less that, the world would somehow magically become a better place and flowers would bloom wherever you walked and birds would land on your shoulder and sing to you on the way to work?!

It turns out it's a lot easier to get there than you thought!  All you need to do is purge the negative body energy from your life and you're on your way! (Cue songbirds.)

In all honesty, we girls know that on some level those kinds of conversations can't be good for us... but it's just so much easier to feel like a fattie if your best girlfriend is feeling the same way too, right?  Unfortunately, it turns out that by entertaining those kinds of feelings, you're hurting both yourself and your closest friends.  And nobody wants that!

The incredibly positive side to this new research is that it also that proves you yourself can be a major source of body-accepting inspiration to your best friends!  All you need to do is display the kind of self-loving attitude that this blog is all about whenever any body-negative talk comes up.  You don't even have to feel it 100% genuinely- just putting out that kind of presence and energy will make a world of difference.

Try this: the next time your galpal goes in for the kill on her new love handles or the fact that she hasn't hit the gym in over a week, interject with something along the lines of, "well I think you look beautiful exactly the way you are right now."  

Or take a page from the book of one of my favorite modern feminists, the one and only Ellen Degeneres:

Simple, direct, and oh so true!  It will most likely stop your friend in her tracks, and even if she doesn't respond in the moment, I promise it will sit with her and sink in later on.

So there you have it ladies!  Not only is there a way to start feeling better about your body and yourself immediately and without hardly any effort, there is also an easy way to help inspire your girlfriends to join you on the pursuit to self-acceptance!  Now take what this blog has taught you, go out there and spread some body-positive love!  Namaste.

Victoria's little secrets.

As many of you know, this past Tuesday was the annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, something I definitely do not partake in, and I can tell you exactly why: in the hours after the VS Fashion Show, I saw my social media accounts blow up with something along the lines of the following updates, which I pulled directly, word-for-word, from Twitter:

• "Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is Tuesday, bye bye self esteem."

• "Time for Victoria's Secret Fashion show.  Also known as me crying and wishing I looked like them all."

• "Just shed an actual tear while watching the VS Fashion show." 

• "If I had a boyfriend and he was watching the VS Fashion Show, I wouldn't show my face for a week until he forgot what the Angels look like."

• "Watching the VS Fashion show and hating myself."

• "If the VS Fashion Show doesn't make you want to work out, I don't know what will."

• "Post- Victoria's Secret Fashion Show depression."

• "Well that didn't last long... My post-VS Fashion Show diet couldn't survive finals season."

And my personal favorite, from a dude: "If you're a girl out there watching the VS Fashion Show and thinking you're not pretty enough, I have one thing to say to you... you're right."

Alright ladies.  Enough is enough.  First of all, I don't think I need to tell you again that the women you see on the VS Fashion Show are paid millions of dollars to look the way they do.  They spend their entire day in the gym with personal trainers, and they come home to professional chefs who monitor them down to every last calorie.  I can guarantee you that, beyond a doubt, if you had that kind of treatment you would look close to how they do.

Why close?  I'm glad you asked!

I recently stumbled upon a blog that a professional make-up artist writes, and with the upcoming show she detailed what goes into looking like a Victoria's Secret Angel.  Think they just roll out of bed looking toned, tanned and fabulous?  Think again.

Here's the before:

 

Now I'm not going to go through the step-by-step process of her transformation, because that isn't really what I support with this blog, but I will give you a little insight into what goes into making a Victoria's Secret Angel, so you have some perspective.

First, tons (TONS!) of fake hair:

Second, all-over body make-up that tans and tones... This particular make-up artist claims it can reduce the appearance of your body by 20 pounds.

 

And, of course, an incredibly complicated hair and make-up process including professional techniques meant to highlight and contour, ie. slim your non-supermodel features and dramatize the more desirable ones.  (Apparently this model's nose is completely crooked and "seriously needed to be fixed.")

 

And finally, after more than three hours of professional work, the after photo:

 

Before you do anything else, scroll back up and look at the "before."  The "before" girl is someone you would meet in the supermarket or the locker room at your gym, right?  The "after" girl is a professional model.  In case you were bemoaning the fact that the Angels in the fashion show must actually look like they do, since it's broadcast live, here's the truth: they undergo the equivalent of real-life airbrushing prior to the show.

Now I know what you're thinking: you're sitting there going, "But even if all that is true, I still weight 132,485,926 pounds more than any Victoria's Secret Angel!"  But another thing you don't have any perspective on is how significantly our standards of beauty have changed in the past 20 years.

Here's the Victoria's Secret Angels of the 1990's:

And here's some of the most recent girls:

You know that stupid game they always have in the last few pages of celebrity gossip magazines where they ask you to spot the differences between two photos?  Well I can tell you one I spot: in the second picture, each girl is missing about 30 pounds.  Victoria's Secret used to feature women in their 20's and 30's at healthy weights.  Now, they feature eating disorder-laden teenagers.  Let me tell you one thing: if you hadn't hit puberty yet and you were starving yourself, you'd have a hell of a lot better chance of looking like an Angel.  Remember what you weighed in junior high?

My point is this: the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show really, genuinely should not be the make-it or break-it of your self-esteem for the week.  Victoria's Secret has built a multi-billion dollar industry by selling you a fantasy, and nothing else.  If every women looked like a VS Angel, Victoria's Secret wouldn't be making any money.

So! It's time to pull yourself up by your bootstraps my beautiful ladies.  If you've got stress that needs to be used up, channel it into finals season, but please stop with this "I wish I magically looked like a supermodel" nonsense.  If your body gets you up in the morning, gets you through the day, and allows you to do the things you want to do with your life, it is perfect and beautiful and amazing.  It's time you started treating it as such.

P.S. Here's the kind of tweets I expect to see from all of you this time next year!

Holiday food fever.

Well folks, it's that time of year.  Halloween has passed which can only mean one thing... the holidays are here!!

The holidays are my absolute favorite time of year, for a multitude of reasons: getting in some quality time with family (a serious issue when you're a college student living away from home), exchanging gifts, the lights, the music, the feeling in the air, and, of course, the amazing food!  My mom and I have been Christmas cookie fanatics for as long as I can remember.  Every year we buy all the Christmas cookie magazine publications and try to bake our way through them before the big day arrives.  And for as long as I can remember, I have spent the holidays stressing more than any other time of the year about my weight and my body.

For the few of you out there who have no idea what I'm talking about, breathe a deep sigh of relief.  For the 98% of you who, like me, have been in a love-hate relationship with your diet for years, the holidays are just an extra source of stress, emotional and otherwise; not only is there a multitude of incredible food around that you don't usually have, you're often going to parties and other social gatherings with people you haven't seen in a while and, of course, as a chronic dieter, you're once again hoping to impress everyone with an incredible body transformation.  Not by coincidence, every women's health magazine on the shelves right now has some feature or another on how to "control" yourself during the holidays.  Tips range from eating before every party so you're not "tempted" by the food offered, all the way to wearing clothes that are slightly too tight so you're feeling just "tubby" enough that you're too embarrassed to eat.  I don't know about you, but that does not sound like a fun party to me.

Then, on the opposite end of the spectrum, there are those of us who deal with the deliciousness of holiday food by letting ourselves go entirely, binging over and over again with the plan of simply waiting until January to deal with our food problems.  There is, after all, the opportunity to resolve once again to "lose the weight once and for all" come January 1st.

Here's the deal: the holidays are supposed to be the one time of year you can get together with those you love, relax and enjoy yourselves together, and believe it or not, part of that enjoyment includes eating.  Indulging in a few holiday meals with your friends and family should be a source of pleasure, not one of stress and anxiety.  While there is no need to partake in the American notion that Thanksgiving is not a success unless you've eaten to the point of making yourself sick, neither is letting yourself off the hook for a few meals going to lead to any kind of dire consequences, besides perhaps a little apprehension about consciously breaking from your "diet."

I know we're all at different points in our journey towards body acceptance, but no matter where you are, try to have some compassion in your heart for yourself this holiday season.  Keep in mind that the stress you're feeling over your body and your eating has nothing to do with what your body actually looks like, or how beautiful you actually are.  That, and let yourself enjoy that peppermint bark, eggnog latte or second helping of stuffing without worrying about your food log or your waist.  I hope that by now you're all trying to break away from the constant dieting, but if not, take the first steps this holiday season by letting yourself enjoy a few meals without worrying about calories, fat, carbs, or anything in between.  The holidays are a time of celebration, so I can't imagine a better time to celebrate the fact that you are beautiful and amazing just the way you are, and no slice of pumpkin pie with extra whipped cream is going to change that.  In fact, it might even make you just a little better! #

A picture is worth a thousand words.

Today, I found definitive proof that I'm right about this whole-body-image-being-depleted-by-the-media thing!  While I was surfing around looking for blog inspiration, I found a study just published by Durham University, based in the United Kingdom, which found that body preference can be radically changed simply based on the images you see of others regularly.

Let me explain.  It's long been apparent to body-acceptance proponents and scientists alike that the effect of the "thin ideal" in advertising has played a substantial role in breakdown of self-image in women everywhere as well as in the creation of eating disorders.  What's new about this research is that it resolves the issue of what came first: a preference for thinness among the general population, OR the mass use of thinner-than-average women in the media.  Researchers enlisted 100 women to view pictures of models at various sizes.  The more images of thin models the women viewed, the more they preferred thin bodies.  Here's where it gets pretty revolutionary: the more images of average or even plus-sized models these women viewed, the more likely they were to accept these bodies as just as beautiful as much thinner ones.  It gets better: even among women who "strongly" preferred thin bodies over any other type before the beginning of the study, by the end they were "significantly less keen" on thinner body types and some even began to prefer normal and plus-size bodies!

Here's what this means: the cultural obsession with extremely thin female figures could be drastically altered, or even eliminated altogether, if advertising began to flaunt much more "full-figured" women.  According to the study above, we each see over 2,000 images a day in advertising alone.  2,000!  Think about it like this: when was the last time you saw an ad that featured a women who was anything more than skinny?  Can you even remember?  Even if it was only a few days ago, that means that you've processed thousands of images of thin women since you saw that ONE image of someone who looks more like you.  But just imagine: what if for every thin model you saw, you saw one normal-sized woman and one plus-sized woman?  Do you think you'd still stand in front of the mirror and pick your body apart for all its flaws?

With that in mind, here are some photographs of absolutely stunning normal- and plus-sized models that will hopefully counteract at least a few of the super-skinny images you've seen today.  Instead of just scrolling through, take a few moments to really process each image.  According to Durham University, it may be a major step (and an easy one at that!) towards self-love and body acceptance.

 

And a bonus, just because you guys are so amazing and encouraging: here's super celebrity Demi Lovato on her latest beach vacation.  Pretty sexy, huh?  And not a rib in sight!

Every single women featured here is 100% natural and, as far as I'm concerned, 100% gorgeous.  So the next time you're beating yourself up because something is too big or too small, too chunky, lumpy, wiggly, or anywhere in between, remember that the major reason you're feeling this way is because you're bombarded with thousands of images every single day that are leading you to believe that that's true.  But you know that?  It's not.  If advertising didn't exist and the only frame of reference you had for how women's bodies are supposed to look were the normal, everyday ones you're surrounded by, you would have realized long ago that we really do come in every shape and size imaginable. And you know what?  That's okay. #

Don't hate, congratulate...

Quick question.

Do you think Kate Upton is fat?

If you answered yes, then you're in the wrong place.  See that little red button with an X through it at the top left of your screen?  Go ahead and click that right about meow.

If you're still here, then you must be of the persuasion that no, she is not indeed fat.

According to one of the web's most ruthless "pro-skinny" blogs, if you answered no, you're grievously misinformed.  Here's what an anonymous writer who goes by the name of Skinny Gossip has to say about this exact picture:

"Huge thighs, NO waist, big fat floppy boobs, terrible body definition – she looks like a squishy brick... lumbering down the runway like there’s a buffet at the end of it."

 She goes on to say, "is this what American women are “striving” for now? The lazy, lardy look? Have we really gotten so fat in this country that Kate is the best we can aim for?"  She later suggests that a picture of Kate eating a hamburger is "canniablism" because she is clearly "a cow."

Appaled yet?

Wait, there's more:

Here's what she has to say about this pro-body acceptance campaign...

"I’m really glad I can’t read the number on that measuring tape. Eww… can we say fat rolls!? Do you have any idea how much someone has to eat to look like this?"

It gets worse.  Not even the thinnest of thin is safe...

"Skinny Gossip" posted this picture of Emma Watson on her blog with the caption...

"She is such a beautiful girl but she would look amazing if she lost about 10-15 pounds.  She is only 5’6″ so she isn’t blessed with much height to help her look skinny.  She’ll end up like Hayden Panettiere if she doesn’t watch out!"

Oh, and by the way, here's the exact picture of the god-awful fate "Skinny Gossip" is hoping poor Emma Watson will avoid...

Oh, the horror!

-

If you're like me, you should be sitting at your computer reading this in disbelief.  If you're like me, you should also be furious.  What this blog promotes is pure, unadulterated body-shaming at its worst, and there is simply no excuse for that.  "Skinny Gossip" may just be one girl, but this kind of perpetuation of body hatred is far from isolated.

The irony of the matter is that, the girls who are spending their time maintaining these blogs, posting pictures of beautiful, strong, confident women and tearing them to pieces, are the same girls who have been taught by our own society that it is not okay to be anything but skinny.  They have been taught that being fat is far and above the most horrible thing a person could be, and so out of fear, not only have they started starving themselves to prevent this from happening (Skinny Gossip brags that by following her own "starvation tips of the day," she has finally reached her goal weight of "5'7 and 100 pounds"), they have gone so far as to start shaming others for their appearance.

While I in no way condone the words of this blogger, or any girl who thinks body-shaming other women is acceptable, I feel that this blog is a symptom of the greater evil: a society that has so completely ingrained a fear of fat in us that we are willing to turn on each other, picking each other apart and preying on others' imperfections to give ourselves a little boost.

Ladies.  Do you really think criticizing another girl makes you better than her?  If you're following this blog, then you agree with me that our society needs a change, one that will allow us to learn how to love our bodies as a whole, instead of denigrating them until they're only a collection of flaws.
Well here's some cold, hard truth coming at you: that movement not only starts with you, but with how you treat others.  I don't care if you'd never actually tell your lab partner she has some gnarly cellulite goin' on.  If you are thinking it, even though it isn't even about you, the only thing you're doing is perpetuating feelings of body shame and body hatred as a whole.

For a self-love movement to really work, it has to include not just your self, but everybody's self.  And that means putting an end to the body hatred you're keeping alive not only in yourself, but also in the judgment of others.  Just as you have to practice looking in the mirror and accepting yourself exactly as you are, so you need to practice letting go of the negative judgments you make about others.  If you genuinely believe that every woman has the right to feel beautiful in her own skin, it has got to start with you, and not just realizing that you yourself are a beautiful, powerful and incredible woman, but that all the other lovely ladies around you are too.  That is the only way we're going to achieve any unity in this movement, and that is the only way we're ever going to make any real, lasting change. #

You gotta fight for the right...

Ladies and gentlemen, it's election season!  And that can only mean one thing: political cartoons.

While this is not exactly a cartoon, I wanted to share it with you:

While I in no way mean to tell you who to vote for, I do believe that anything that has to do with our rights to our own bodies deserves our attention.  Regardless of your political or religious beliefs, if you're reading this blog you are most likely of the opinion that we as women should be the only ones making decisions about how we see our body, how we feel about it and how we treat it.

The fact that politicians have once again become involved in our access to our own bodies is just a testament to the reality of how out of touch we as a society have become with the female body.  For literally hundreds of years we've been objectified as a collective whole without any regard for the reality of the individual.  What I mean by this is that we have a definitive history of viewing the female body as a single entity instead of recognizing that every single woman's body is different (and beautiful because of it).

I believe it is this generalizing of women's bodies that has led to not only the vast disconnect between women and their rights to their own bodies, as is apparent in the current debates, but also the majority of the body issues we experience on a daily basis.  The way that our own society has universalized our millions and millions of unique bodies into one ideal form is what had led to a similarly universal feeling of detachment from our bodies.  It is what had led to that feeling that your own body, the body you were born in, the body you will die in, the body that you are incredibly blessed to have, is somehow foreign.  I'm sure that every single one of us has at some point felt trapped in their own body, as if it is simply some vessel that we are stuck in instead of something that is incredibly integral to who we are and what we can do in this world.

With that being said, it's important to keep in mind not only during the election but far beyond that you and your body are entirely unique: there is nobody like you that has ever been and nobody like you will exist again.  Beyond the snowflake cliches, it really is true that your body is unlike that of any other woman around you, and that is why it doesn't do us any good to compare ourselves to anybody else.  The only thing we all genuinely share is the body hatred that our society has imbued in us since we were little girls.  Some of us are naturally going to look like models and some of us are naturally going to look a little bit like lumpy mashed potatoes when we're under the fluorescent lights in the dressing room (hint: it's me!), and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!  The only wrong  is trying to amalgamate into one single standard of beauty and acceptance when we're all so different!!

So, what have we learned from the blog today?  That we are all beautiful snowflake children of Mother Earth, and that, while we may all share the same messed up body issues that have been pushed on us since we got our first issue of Seventeen Magazine, we really are all very different.  During this election season, don't let anyone push upon you the attitude that you don't have every single right to decide for yourself what you want for your body.  I hope that, even by the act of reading this blog, you've made the first step in rejecting society's claim to your feelings about your body and reclaiming them for yourself.

The only way we should be generalizing the female race is through the fact that we are all struggling with the same things, and if we stand together and celebrate our differences, we can be more powerful than ever before.  Welcome to the 21st century: the weather is currently sunny with a 60% chance of radical self-love and female revolution. #

An angel's words of wisdom.

Today I want to talk about photoshopping, because it is my belief that the majority of the body issues we suffer from are those that are created and propagated by the media.  However, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, so instead of writing about it, I'm just going to show you.

Keep in mind that, while these photos are clearly photoshopped, most of them are still of models and celebrities who are paid six-figure incomes every year to maintain the way they look.  The fact that they're really a size 8 instead of a size 14 is a result of this.

Let's start with a basic swimsuit model, and let's also play that game, "can you spot the difference?"  This woman, while beautiful, has a normal body.  She doesn't have a particularly flat stomach or toned thighs and she's certainly rocking some curves on her hips.  According to the fashion industry though, she's nowhere near good enough.  Her breasts have been enhanced, stomach flattened, hips/arms/thighs slimmed, and she's been smoothed and tanned all over.

Here's one of fashion's most beautiful plus-size models, Tara Lynn.  Just in case us curvy girls don't struggle with our figure enough, let's take an amazing role model and shave off forty pounds.  Oh, and also, we're still going to list this as "plus sized."  Are your body issues starting to make sense yet?

Here's another plus-size photo that's been drastically edited.  Next time you're hating on your back fat, keep in mind that one of the highest-paid models in the industry to date sports it like a champ.

Let's switch over to celebrities for a moment.  Take Mariah Carey for example: for 42 I think she's looking pretty damn good, but apparently I'm wrong.  In this photo for Glamour, her body structure has been completely overhauled and everything has been smoothed out into that perfect, cellulite-free glean that no number of hours in the gym is going to get you.  Why, you ask?  Because it's fake.

You know how everybody is always raging about the fact that Madonna is in her 50's and still looks like a teenager?  Surprise!  She doesn't.

If you're like me, you should be looking at this next "before" picture and wondering, "okay, what could possibly be wrong with Eva Longoria?" As it turns out, her arms and thighs are actually too skinny (wish I had that problem!), while her waist is not nearly defined enough.  All that time you've spent doing crunches to get a teensy waist and squatting to get a fat booty to complement it?  Yeah, they don't exist together.

And just so none of you girls out there are left thinking "I don't even look like the before pictures!", here's one of fashion's top up-and-coming models, before and after.  This should prove to you, unequivocally, once and for all, that if we all had a personal stylist and professional make up artist hitting us up every morning before we left the house, as well as someone to photoshop all of our photos after they were taken, you can bet there wouldn't be a single picture that you would want to untag yourself from.

One of Victoria's Secret's angels, Erin Heatherton, recently had a pre-retouching photo released from her latest bikini photoshoot, and I was actually incredibly impressed with the way she responded to it.  Here's the image:

And here's what she said about photoshopping:

"We're not selling reality; we're selling a story. It's all about creating this fantasy. And I don't think people should confuse fantasy and reality because no one is perfect—we all know that, and I think people should embrace themselves and not really focus on where people are depicted as perfect and where they're not."

Also, just a good thing to keep in mind: take a good long look at the before picture.  That's a body that most of us would kill for and Erin, who is a Victoria's Secret Angel, is still self-conscious about this image, a testament to the fact that no matter what you look like, you, as a woman in our society, are still going to feel like you aren't good enough.  Keep in mind that it's a feeling and not a reality, and no amount of dieting is going to fix that feeling for you.  You have to acknowledge it and fix it yourself.  You are perfect in your body, right now, sitting at your laptop reading this.  You are beautiful and strong and powerful, and you are NOT what the media says you are.

So the next time the Victoria's Secret catalog comes and you feel like crying over the fact that there's literally no way you will ever look like that, keep in mind that there isn't any way you will look like that because it's not real.  Advertisers photoshop because they want you to think, "if I buy that product, I will be beautiful and sexy and happy just like that woman."  The fact of the matter is, you can be beautiful and sexy and happy right now.  And isn't that a lot easier than having to lose a ton of weight first? #

Gays and fatties.

Today is National Coming Out Day, a day where we are supposed to put aside our differences and honor the fact that at the base of humanity, we ultimately all have the same desires: to be accepted, to be respected, and most importantly, to be loved.

With those principle values in mind, I want to talk to you about an issue that is directly parallel to the struggles of being anything but heterosexual in a straight society: being anything but skinny in a fat-phobic society. 

At this point, I hope you have come to realize that the thinness obsession in our culture is not only perpetuating hate, both of ourselves and others, but it is also completely unrealistic and senseless.

Don't believe me?  This should sum it up:

First of all, that model definitely works out and she most certainly does not eat everything she wants, because it is her JOB to look like that.  I'm going to repeat that because I think this point is SO important.  It is a model's JOB to look the way she does.  She is paid huge amounts of money to spend 8 hours in the gym every day with a personal trainer and to have a nutritionist and personal chef craft the perfect meals necessary to look the way she does.  And as if that's not enough, she's photoshopped by experts to remove any lasting imperfections that even an intense regime of caloric deprivation and extreme exercise couldn't get rid of.

If you lived the life of a Victoria's Secret model, I guarantee you would look like one too.  And I can also guarantee that you wouldn't like it much and would eventually find that the sacrifices models make to look the way they do would not be worth the payoff of being a size 2.

Secondly, beyond that, why would you not accept that some people are built skinny and some of us are built to carry a little extra weight?  Why is that so inconceivable to you?  All people are not created equal, and neither are all bodies.  Being skinny doesn't mean you have an eating disorder and being fat does not mean you are lazy and glutinous.  I work out 7 days a week and eat incredibly healthfully, and I'm still carrying a good deal of extra weight.  Why, you ask?  Because I am a descendant of the line of Irishmen whose bodies survived the Potato Famine by learning to hold on to every extra calorie they could get.  Does that make me a bad person?  Of course not, just as it doesn't make you a bad one either.

Having a body that differs from "normal" does not mean that there is anything wrong with you.  Feeling bad about being different doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you either; it means that there is something seriously wrong with our society that we are not willing to accept anyone who deviates slightly from what we are taught is the norm. The truth is, there is no normal.  We are all different and no amount of fat-shaming or gay-bashing is going to change that. 

Regardless of your feelings about gay rights, if you are anything more than supermodel thin, you have experienced the exact same feelings of hatred and exclusion that gay men and women experience every day.  It's time we put our differences aside and with that, put an end to both the body-hatred and the baseless prejudices that are hurting every single one of us, every single day, whether we know it or not.  Life is hard enough as it is- instead of upholding these insane standards which we can't possibly live up to, why don't we simply our lives and try to learn compassion for both ourselves and the others around us who are struggling to be accepted just as much as we are?  I don't know about you, but I would much rather work towards that goal than towards getting into a pair of Heidi Klum's jeans. #

A bunch of thoughts on being fat.

I was first told I was "fat" by a dance instructor when I was 8.  Eight years old.  I was in 3rd grade.  I had my own thing going and I thought I was pretty fly back in those days.  The source of this fat accusation? I was 5 pounds over the normal range for my age.  5 whole pounds.  Pretty much the end of the world right?

Let me tell you what happens when you tell a child they're fat.  They reevaluate everything they've ever thought of themselves.  At 8 years old, I was a championship Irish dancer who had won more national titles than most kids my age could count to.  I was also at the top of my class, and I was invited to all the "cool" birthday parties.  But that one day when my instructor decided to label me with this terrible, horrible word, everything changed.  It no longer mattered that I was a great dancer, a great student, a great friend.  How could you be anything great if you were FAT?

I went on my first diet when I was 9.  I started going to the gym when I was 10.  When I was 11, I started down the road towards my first eating disorder.  I have been riding this rollercoaster ever since.

Even if you yourself haven't been the target of such hateful words directly, I'm sure you've experienced them indirectly.

Maybe you were told you're fat like this...

Or maybe it was like this...

Or even this...

However it happened, those feelings of physical inadequacy stuck because there was nothing that came before them that could have taken their place.

I want to share something with you guys that Kate Winslet said, that is so powerful to me.

As girls growing up, there are always certain women in our lives who we look up to, and because we admire them so much, they are by default beautiful.  But they, like us, have grown up in a society where loving and accepting your body is as taboo as being fat.  Because of this, we grew up watching the women we found so beautiful degrade themselves and their appearances. 

While your role models surely didn't mean you any harm by not actively embracing their chubs, the damage was surely done: if the women we admire most in the world continually put themselves down, how can we possibly grow up to see ourselves as beautiful? 

And if those women could have such a profound effect on you, imagine the kind of effect you're having on the women you surround yourself with.  Which leads me to my major point: learning to love your body does not end with you.

Let that sink in for a second. 

Loving your body and outwardly promoting this acceptance goes so far beyond yourself.  It sends a message to every other woman out there who is struggling with the same things we all are.  It sets an example for the women who look up to you (yes, you!), and it sets a precedent for an honorable way to treat ourselves that will eventually filter down to the next generation of women, little girls who right now have yet to learn that it isn't okay to love yourself just the way you are.

It is only by consciously rejecting the superficial standards of beauty society has defined for us that we can be free to love ourselves and teach our friends, our family, and our daughters to love themselves the way that every girl should.  It's a long road ahead of us, but the good news is this: it only takes one person to start a movement, and you can be that person.  Every time you put a little positivity into the world, you drop a tiny pebble into the sea of women who are still stuck feeling like they will never be good enough.  And while it may seem too small to make an impact, just keep in mind that every pebble makes a ripple on the water, a ripple that will always travel far further than you ever could have expected.  If we do this together, one by one, we could change the world. #

Fat ain't that bad.

Alright y'all.  Here's the lowdown for the week.  Some days, no matter how hard you try to stay positive, remind yourself you're beautiful and treat yourself with compassion, you're just going to feel fat.  Unfortunately it's one of those facts of life that seems to be unavoidable as a woman in the 21st century.

But instead of wallowing in hatred of your little tummy pooch or just-too-jiggly arms, how about a little reminder from one of my favorite women that fat is not the end of the world?

Take a peek...

 

How about that ladies and gents?  I want to talk about this for a moment because I think it's important in the journey towards self-love that you have something to cling to during a setback.  Sure, when I'm feeling down on myself, do I try to brighten things back up?  Of course!  But does it always work?  No.  Some days it's just not going to happen. Some days life just throws you a bad mood that you're going to have to ride out.  But do you have to do it without a little help from your friends?  Nope!

One of the things that helps me through these "moods" (and I call them moods because it's not like you're any fatter than you were yesterday when you were feeling fine), is reminding myself that even if I have somehow magically become fat overnight, it's really not the end of the world.  Because at the end of the day, even if you really are little chunky, there are so many things that are worse than being fat.  As Ms. Rowling so aptly addresses, would you really rather be skinny and superficial?  Skinny and bitter?  Skinny and bland?  In this moment, you might be thinking, "Yes, I actually would, so why don't you just leave me alone and let me wallow in my obesity?!"  Because we both know that's not true!  We both know that once you get past that shitty mood you're in right now, you are one seriously incredible woman with so much more going for you than your pant size alone. 

One of the worst things about humans is that we're so quick to judge each other, especially us girls.  We will judge virtually anybody based on a little extra thigh or some overhanging back fat.  But one of our biggest flaws is also one of our greatest attributes, in a sense, because if we're judging each other on being fat, that means that we can also judge each other (and ourselves) on other things as well.  Do you have a killer sense of style?  One point for you.  Do you help others without being asked?  That's another one.  Are you really great at the things you set your mind to? You're up to three!  Got a bright shining future ahead of you?  Four for you, Glen Coco!

When you're playing the "I'm so fat the world is going to end" game with yourself, take a moment to remember that you are so, SO much more than your weight or your measurements or anything else you've decided to physically judge yourself on.  Of course it's okay to have a bad day.  Of course it's okay to just let yourself feel bad for a little bit.  But while you're feeling bad, just take a moment to remind yourself that this mood is going to pass, and even if those fat feelings remain for a while, you are still just as amazing as you were before these feelings hit.  If you're willing to put aside your body issues for just a second and recognize the one thousand positive things that make you a beautiful, strong and incredible human being, I promise you that other people will start doing the same. #

Radical self acceptance.

Today I was researching the self-love movement, and one of the things that kept coming up was the notion of "radical self acceptance." I think the name of this movement in itself speaks a lot toward the state of women's affairs in the world today: how is it that we have gotten to a point at which accepting yourself and learning to love your own body is somehow "radical"?

I'll tell you how.  By openly loving your body, you're telling the rest of the world that you're happy with it.  And the rest of the world is thinking, "how can she be happy with her body when it's so far from perfect?  How can she love something that needs so much work?" That's your fear anyway, isn't it?

In a world where we constantly strive for the newer and the better, we're afraid to accept the bodies we have now because doing so somehow feels like we've stopped moving forward.  It feels like if we love our bodies now, we're giving up on any progress in the future.  But that's just not the case.

Body love and self-acceptance means loving and accepting your body at this exact moment in time, regardless of how close to or far away from your goals you are.  It means realizing that there is always going to be room for improvement, and because of that, if we keep waiting for the "perfect form," it may never come.  It means realizing that life isn't about the destination, it's about the journey.  And it means realizing that it's high time you give yourself a break and let yourself off the hook for once.


I found this print today and it really inspired me:

The battle towards self-acceptance is a long and hard one, and it is one fought on a road littered with the ghosts of years of belittling yourself and your body in the past.  Breaking this addiction is not something you can successfully do with a half-way approach.  If you really want to learn to love yourself, it's all or nothing.  You either try your hardest every day until it's real, or you don't make any progress at all.

Every day will be a challenge, and every day you're going to have to face this journey with courage.  But perhaps the most incredible thing about this journey is that in the end, the race is only against yourself. Keep banishing negative thoughts, keep redirecting that energy into positive ones, and each day you're a little closer to a self-acceptance that is going to feel better than any Victoria's Secret body would ever feel. #

Perfect girl?

As many of you know, I've been off the map recently in preparation for a big move to Hawaii at the beginning of next month!

However, I saw something today that has me back on the bandwagon fighting for self-acceptance!

Here's what magazines are preaching these days:

I would like to draw your attention to the second line.  It reads (en francais): the perfect woman should have "not an ounce of fat."

Not an ounce.

I'm so glad this French fashion magazine set me straight, because I was mistakenly under the impression that women are supposed to have MULTIPLE ounces of fat, namely for the sake of reproducing in the name of our species.  However, I'm all for eliminating fat specifically for the purpose of eliminating the generations of chauvinistic pigs who continue to teach our daughters that, heavens forbid, an ounce of fat means you are no longer a worthy woman.

I'm going to put this one to all you ladies out there and let you think about, for yourselves, why that "archetype of the perfect woman" above is so much more worthy of our love, admiration, and respect, than this one:

Or this one:

 Or this one:

Or the most important woman of all: yourself.  The next time you open a fashion magazine and see "the perfect woman" staring back at you, stop and think for a moment: what does this woman have to offer that you don't?

The answer may come as a surprise: it's "nothing."

Keep a little bit of this sanity in mind when you enter the world of fake, photoshopped, airbrushed "perfection." #

We're all women, right?

 Today I would like to talk about women's rights in regard to our diet culture.

Every single one of us has had this experience: you walk into a room and the eyes of every other woman is on you, picking you apart and tearing you down piece by piece until they reach their final judgment.  I want to emphasis the word "judge" here: women do not simply "take in" other women, we judge them.

It will never stop breaking my heart to see girls berate their fellow women for their weight, shape, size, hair, clothing, etc. just to give themselves a boost.  This is not to say that I don't participate in this behavior myself.  Far from it, we are all guilty of such participation; this is namely because we have been taught from an early age that women should be judged by their beauty first and foremost.  But the fact that everyone does it doesn't make it right and it doesn't make it true.  Conversely, men are far from held to this standard.

Imagine a man walking into a bar.  He is clearly unattractive, but he pulls up in the newest Porsche model, checks the time on his Rolex, and tips the bartender with $100 bills.  Obviously this is a man of high regard and he deserves our respect, regardless of his appearance, yes?  Now imagine the circumstances are tweaked: the man is not a man but an unattractive woman.  That woman, regardless of how wealthy or influential she is, will automatically be judged on her appearance first and foremost.  Further, if her appearance doesn't measure up, no amount of expensive dress or prestige will erase the fact that she is not attractive.

And therein lies the problem.  Wonder why women only make 77 cents to every man's dollar?  Here's your answer.  As long as women hold each other to the standard of being beautiful enough, thin enough, having full enough lips, tan enough skin, big enough breasts, long enough legs, flat enough abs, toned enough arms, or a round enough butt, they will continue to keep themselves down.

The last major feminist movement occurred when we stopped judging our fellow women by how perky their breasts were, burned our bras and let our hair grow long.  For the first time in a long time, we made progress in women's rights because instead of standing apart, eying each other from afar, we stood together for the collective female.

I think Naomi Wolf summarizes best what I'm getting at: think about the few women you know who are happy about the way they look, the number on the scale, and the tag on their jean, regardless of what those numbers are.  Those women are clearly the most dangerous, per say, because they are not restricted by what society thinks of them.

Think about what those few women have been able to accomplish, and then imagine if we all gave up our preconceptions about how much we should weigh, as well as how much all the other women in the room should weigh.  Imagine what we could do together, as an empowered female population.

Until we women can give up our conceptions of what female beauty should look like, we give up the most significant thing we have in the mounting battle over women's rights - our unity.  Divided we are powerless; united we can move mountains.

So do yourself a favor: the next time you start giving another woman the once-over, remind yourself that she is struggling with the exact same things you are, regardless of how put-together she looks.  You are united as sisters in female suffering as well as in the fight to advance women's rights everywhere.

Instead of looking at her as an enemy, look at her as a partner.  We are all partners in this struggle, and if we could put aside our superficial preoccupations and see the truly amazing women that surround us, fat, skinny, short, tall, we could do some truly amazing things.

The selfie.

I was recently reading a blog by a woman, Skinny Emmie, who has an awesome post about defining "skinny" as "being happy in your own skin."

I think this is really important because every girl grows up wanting to be "skinny," and every woman has some notion of what she will do when she is finally "skinny."  I think we should take a page out of Emmie's book, and instead of defining "skinny" as a certain weight or jean size, we define it as finally accepting our body and loving it the way we should.

If we started doing all of the things NOW that we used to reserve as things we could only do when we reached our goal weight, we could instantly be living happier and more fulfilling lives.  Think about it: who says you can't love the pictures others take of you unless you have a "perfect" body?  You look magnificent in that bikini, cellulite and all!

So, in that spirit, I have decided to do something I have always wanted to do, as soon as I got "skinny": post an awesome poolside vacation photo online!  Don't you always envy those beautiful, "skinny" girls with their super cool poolside vacation pictures on Facebook?

Well fear not, bloggers! I have now officially proven once and for all that you can indeed post a bikini picture online AND include some unedited cellulite and tummy pooch, and the world will not crumble and fall!

I went back and forth a lot with this decision because it's one of those that makes me feel very vulnerable, but I decided to practice what I preach and accept my slightly inebriated Mexican bikini body, in public and on the internet, once and for all.  And you know what?  It feels pretty great. #

Keep kicking.

"Radical self love is a daily fight."  There are some days you'll wake up and feel great, there are some days where you'll look in the mirror and wish you never started down this path.  We live in a society that constantly reinforces the perception that you're never good enough.  You will spend the rest of your life fighting this.  It's going to be a long, hard war, and I can't promise you we'll win every battle.  But I can promise you this:

It will be worth it.  Be brave.  Join the revolution. #

Mind and body, body and mind.

Who here has watched The Biggest Loser?  Basically everyone, right?

In my opinion, weight loss shows are the bane of the body positive movement, and here's why: the entire show, be it one episode or a whole season, leads up to a single moment- the moment of the big revealing.  Everything is leading up to the moment where you finally get the "money" shot: the before and after.  Whether it's jumping through a blown-up picture of your old body, or coming down a staircase to stop at a cardboard cutout of your former self, there is always a big moment in which you see the end result, the final goal, the ultimate transformation.

Here's where I get really aggravated: whenever you see interviews of people who have lost a significant amount of weight, they reveal their "new" body and then talk about their "old" body as if it wasn't really part of them at all, as if it was a body they were trapped in and that this "new" and supposedly better body is the "real" them.

One of the many things I think Western culture has lost touch with over the years is the perception of body, mind and spirit as one entity.  In our Western mode of thinking, we look down at our body from our mind as if it's somehow separate. In many cases, women refer to their body as an "it," as if our body is simply an object, not part of us but simply where we live, as if our body is some dilapidated house we have to reside in for now, until we can do some major home improvement projects and really make it our home.

Here's what those people have missed: your body is absolutely intrinsic to who you are.  You are not better than your body and you are not worse than it.  You are part of it and it is part of you, and possibly THE most important step in ending body hatred is realizing this.  Those "weight loss success stories" may have lost a lot of weight and changed how their body looks, but it's still the same body, plus or minus a few fat cells or some muscle tissue. 

You do not live in your body.  You ARE your body.  For better or for worse, every freckle, scar, wrinkle and stretch mark is a postcard along the road of that little adventure we call life.  Why would you not want to embrace every little thing that makes you the person you are today? I hope that by learning to embrace your body as your home, you will also learn to show it a little more kindness and realize all the incredible things it does for you, without asking anything in return. #

Making a decision to change.

A lot of the time, we don't give enough credit to the fact that you can simply decide to change.  Yes, old habits die hard.  But all it takes is one moment of strength to decide you want to change.  As long as you can keep coming back to that moment, you can make it real and you can make it last.

When I was 18, I decided I wanted to be confident in my body, no matter how much I weighed.  I lost my way a little while ago, but last week I decided I wanted to uphold that change for good, and here I am.

What would you do, if you had that one moment of courage it takes to make a change? #

Fat and fit!

One of the comments I often get from men and "skinny" women is that, by pushing a "love your body at any size" mantra, I'm encouraging women to reject reasonable health goals and instead embrace a destructive lifestyle.

This is not at all the case, and I wish to make that clear at the outset.

Here's the deal: You are beautiful at any size.  Tall, short, fat, skinny, curvy, straight, whatever you are, you deserve all the love and respect in the world.  You also deserve to live a long and happy life, and that means you need to be healthy.

That being said, can you be healthy and fat?

A burgeoning amount of research says yes, at least to an extent.  According to such significant sources as Time Magazine and the New York Times, more and more researchers are discovering that as long as you're eating well, exercising regularly, and all of your vital statistics (blood pressure, cholesterol, glucose levels, etc.) are considered within healthy limits, there is no reason you should be stressing about carrying a few extra pounds.

When I was in high school, I weighed over 200 pounds, a significant amount on my 5'4" frame.  I was so out of shape that even walking long distances was difficult.  My feet hurt all the time from carrying so much excess weight.  I fueled my body with junk food and I felt horrible.

Then in my senior year I lost 30 pounds.  I started eating an organic, vegetarian diet based in whole foods.  I made exercise a priority.  I even trained for and completed a triathlon to prove to myself what my body could now achieve.

Then in college I went through a dark period (fueled by being surrounded by body-obsessed girls and eating disorders galore) where I dropped another 10 pounds by starving myself.  I stopped exercising and started eating junk foods again.  I again felt horrible and eventually gained the weight back due to binge eating.

The moral of the story is this: I was not healthy at my heaviest weight and I was not healthy at my lightest.  The place I found serenity was somewhere in between, at a place where I was (and still am) happy with the way my body feels and the way it serves me.  It is my goal to keep my body in a place that I can do whatever I want to: triathlons, backpacking journeys, bike trips, anything and everything that catches my eye.

Here's my point:  I'm considered overweight for my height, but I'm in much better shape than the vast majority of my "skinny" friends.  The BMI chart is not the be-all and end-all of health concerns, but neither should you throw caution to the wind and decide that loving your body is enough to keep it running.

So yes, long story short, I believe that, regardless of what you weigh or what size you wear, you deserve to love your body and recognize all the incredible things it allows you to do.  But in the same spirit of living your life to the fullest, I also believe that living an unhealthy lifestyle is a waste of all the incredible opportunities you've been given.  So while you enjoy never needing to diet again, keep in mind that a little more exercise and a little less junk food never hurt anybody.  In fact, it will probably lead to a much longer and more fulfilling life in the body that you are now learning to love! #

Pierce Brosnan likes your curves.

To supplement my "No Fat Chicks?" post:

I give you the beautiful and curvaceous Keely Shaye Smith, an NBC correspondent, out for a stroll with her incredibly sexy husband... wait for it... Pierce Brosnan!!

To all those beautiful ladies out there who are under the impression that you won't find any man, much less a quality one, if you don't lose the weight, I'm here to tell you that's absolutely not true.  In my own experience, once I decided that I am beautiful, amazing, and deserving of a just-as-amazing partner, I found that there was no guy in the world who was "out of my league," extra pounds and all.

Your weight has nothing to do with the kind of partner you can find or the kind of partner you deserve, just as it has nothing to do with how beautiful you are or how much you can achieve in your life.

As Justin Timberlake attests,

No fat chicks?

Why do you want to be skinny?  Odds are, it's because society has taught you that all these amazing things will happen once you're skinny: you'll run down the beach in technicolor slow motion and nothing will jiggle, you'll finally pull a size 2 off the rack and slip into it easily, women will envy you and your amazing skinny body, men will faun over you so ardently that they will argue over who will buy you your next drink...

Let's pause on that last one for a moment: one of the major reasons women want to lose weight is to attract a mate.  We have this misconception that the skinnier you are, the more attractive men will find you.  And you know what?  That's true.  For some men.

But here's a reality check: for the vast majority of men, your confidence and the way you carry yourself is a much more significant factor than your jean size when it comes to whether or not they find you attractive.

Beyond that, it turns out that men like a lot more meat on our bones than many of us would suspect.  A flurry of recent sociological studies coming out of U.S. universities in the past year or so have revealed that our ideal size for ourselves is a size 6.  Pretty small, right?

In contrast, amazingly enough, researchers found that the average man's ideal size for a woman is somewhere between a 10 and a 12.  Further, researchers found that men tend to seek out women with bodies that look "natural", bodies with some curve and jiggle to them.  You don't need to be carrying an entire Christmas season's worth of extra weight with you, but once you get down to skin and bones, many men simply aren't interested anymore.

Imagine that!  Men don't mind if we look like real people!  The average guy doesn't want to be sleeping with a Vogue model, he wants to be sleeping with you!  With one caveat: the confident, self-accepting you.

So how about, instead of killing yourself to drop the weight to find a mate, as it goes, you focus instead on accepting your body the way it is, and realize that the person who is right for you will love your body just the way it is.  Apparently men like us with a little extra something to grab; if that isn't a great reason to stop dieting, I don't know what is! #