Victoria's little secrets.

As many of you know, this past Tuesday was the annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, something I definitely do not partake in, and I can tell you exactly why: in the hours after the VS Fashion Show, I saw my social media accounts blow up with something along the lines of the following updates, which I pulled directly, word-for-word, from Twitter:

• "Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is Tuesday, bye bye self esteem."

• "Time for Victoria's Secret Fashion show.  Also known as me crying and wishing I looked like them all."

• "Just shed an actual tear while watching the VS Fashion show." 

• "If I had a boyfriend and he was watching the VS Fashion Show, I wouldn't show my face for a week until he forgot what the Angels look like."

• "Watching the VS Fashion show and hating myself."

• "If the VS Fashion Show doesn't make you want to work out, I don't know what will."

• "Post- Victoria's Secret Fashion Show depression."

• "Well that didn't last long... My post-VS Fashion Show diet couldn't survive finals season."

And my personal favorite, from a dude: "If you're a girl out there watching the VS Fashion Show and thinking you're not pretty enough, I have one thing to say to you... you're right."

Alright ladies.  Enough is enough.  First of all, I don't think I need to tell you again that the women you see on the VS Fashion Show are paid millions of dollars to look the way they do.  They spend their entire day in the gym with personal trainers, and they come home to professional chefs who monitor them down to every last calorie.  I can guarantee you that, beyond a doubt, if you had that kind of treatment you would look close to how they do.

Why close?  I'm glad you asked!

I recently stumbled upon a blog that a professional make-up artist writes, and with the upcoming show she detailed what goes into looking like a Victoria's Secret Angel.  Think they just roll out of bed looking toned, tanned and fabulous?  Think again.

Here's the before:

 

Now I'm not going to go through the step-by-step process of her transformation, because that isn't really what I support with this blog, but I will give you a little insight into what goes into making a Victoria's Secret Angel, so you have some perspective.

First, tons (TONS!) of fake hair:

Second, all-over body make-up that tans and tones... This particular make-up artist claims it can reduce the appearance of your body by 20 pounds.

 

And, of course, an incredibly complicated hair and make-up process including professional techniques meant to highlight and contour, ie. slim your non-supermodel features and dramatize the more desirable ones.  (Apparently this model's nose is completely crooked and "seriously needed to be fixed.")

 

And finally, after more than three hours of professional work, the after photo:

 

Before you do anything else, scroll back up and look at the "before."  The "before" girl is someone you would meet in the supermarket or the locker room at your gym, right?  The "after" girl is a professional model.  In case you were bemoaning the fact that the Angels in the fashion show must actually look like they do, since it's broadcast live, here's the truth: they undergo the equivalent of real-life airbrushing prior to the show.

Now I know what you're thinking: you're sitting there going, "But even if all that is true, I still weight 132,485,926 pounds more than any Victoria's Secret Angel!"  But another thing you don't have any perspective on is how significantly our standards of beauty have changed in the past 20 years.

Here's the Victoria's Secret Angels of the 1990's:

And here's some of the most recent girls:

You know that stupid game they always have in the last few pages of celebrity gossip magazines where they ask you to spot the differences between two photos?  Well I can tell you one I spot: in the second picture, each girl is missing about 30 pounds.  Victoria's Secret used to feature women in their 20's and 30's at healthy weights.  Now, they feature eating disorder-laden teenagers.  Let me tell you one thing: if you hadn't hit puberty yet and you were starving yourself, you'd have a hell of a lot better chance of looking like an Angel.  Remember what you weighed in junior high?

My point is this: the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show really, genuinely should not be the make-it or break-it of your self-esteem for the week.  Victoria's Secret has built a multi-billion dollar industry by selling you a fantasy, and nothing else.  If every women looked like a VS Angel, Victoria's Secret wouldn't be making any money.

So! It's time to pull yourself up by your bootstraps my beautiful ladies.  If you've got stress that needs to be used up, channel it into finals season, but please stop with this "I wish I magically looked like a supermodel" nonsense.  If your body gets you up in the morning, gets you through the day, and allows you to do the things you want to do with your life, it is perfect and beautiful and amazing.  It's time you started treating it as such.

P.S. Here's the kind of tweets I expect to see from all of you this time next year!