"I choose to be fat."

An old friend from my hometown sent me a truly incredible piece of writing this past weekend from Laura Bogart, a freelance author who recently wrote an article called "I choose to be fat" (find it here).  It's a piece in which she discusses the self-esteem issues she's dealt with for the majority of her life as a result of being overweight. If you've struggled with your weight at any point in your life, as I have, it's a wonderful read.  But even if you haven't, this piece is truly empowering in that it speaks to the underlying issue most of us routinely face: never feeling like we're enough.

I would highly recommend you take the time to read the full article at some point, but in case you only have a few minutes right now, here are two of my favorite points:

• Whenever the women around me talk about how great so-and-so looks now that she’s joined that pricey gym or gone under the knife (even if so-and-so is still sort of a bitch), I remember purging and popping pills and eating three well-balanced meals a day; binging and starving and reading “Anna Karenina” on a StairMaster. But none of it left me happier or healthier. Just hungry.
• In every special episode about weight loss, tearful brides lament how big they look in wedding photos, as if the 26-inch waist they have now negates the husbands who’ve always loved them. Fathers choke up remembering the day they knew they “had to make a change,” the day their toddlers randomly called them fat, as if that observational indictment means more than all those “I love you’s.” There’s always a former Miss Lonelyheart, a thirtysomething virgin who — after a gastric bypass or militant adherence to the Paleo diet — has shed half her body weight and is finally ready for Mr. Right. I’ve no doubt that they really do feel healthier and happier, and honestly (truly) good for them. I just wish that the entirety of their lives weren’t reduced to a single achievement. 

Ms. Bogart hits on something really important here, and that thing is that your body does not define you.  Yes, it's where you live and it's what you carry with you through life, but the number of calories you eat or the size of your waist has nothing to do with who you are really are.  I've spent years watching people judge me for my weight - cashiers asking if I'm making a "good choice" when I buy brownie mix at the market instead of some sort of cruciferous vegetable; a man laughing at me in disbelief when he overheard me talking about how I had recently completed a triathlon; a nurse retaking my vital stats twice because she couldn't believe that they were all within the "optimal" range.  However, they know nothing about the groundbreaking work I've done in the animal welfare field or how much I love Christmastime or how I hope to open a bakery someday or really anything that defines who I am as a person.  And even worse, I carry this constant fear that even if they knew me, really knew me, none of it would matter; all they would see is "fat."

The point is this: you are so much more than your appearance.  Even if you were to transform yourself and reach that body you've always dreamed of, it certainly wouldn't be the most important thing you'd do in this world.  The amazing things you think about and feel and love and want to change are so much more important than any pair of jeans could ever be.  So how about this Thanksgiving, instead of putting even more energy into worrying about those few pounds you're constantly trying to stave off, try instead to be thankful for the beautiful body you were given, a body that allows you to do some pretty amazing things in this world.  You are not the size of your pants or the number on the scale.  You are real and you are incredible in the very body you're sitting in right now, and that is enough.

Oh, and have that second slice of pie if you have room.  Trust me on this one, you deserve it.

Enjoy the slice,

Sonja

All kinds of shapes and sizes.

Today I have something really amazing and inspiring for you guys!  

Howard Schatz is an American ophthalmologist-turned-photographer whose recent work focuses primarily on exploring the human form.  His most recent publication, a coffee-table book called "Athlete," is a collection of the world's most successful athletes in essentially every major sport imaginable.  He photographs each athlete oiled up, in the same black underwear and under the same lighting, and the results are incredible.

Have a look:

I'm hoping that by the time you've looked through all of these pictures you're as taken aback as I was when I first found them.  What should strike you as so incredible and so inspiring about this photo series is that these athletes (every single one of them) are in top physical condition; these are world champions, gold-medal Olympians who represent the absolute ideal form for their sport, yet their bodies could not be more different.

I'm hoping you've already drawn some conclusions for yourself, but let me point out the most obvious: there is no "perfect" body.  You may have some concept in your head of what you "should" look like, and it probably revolves around some unattainable standard of beauty that is based in marketing campaigns and Photoshop.  As Tina Fey writes in her recent Bossypants,

"Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits."

And she could not be more right.  Looking through these photos that represent the ultimate extremes of diversity in a healthy human form, it should become clear to you that there is no one "perfect" body.  In fact, I'm sure even some of the athletes photographed, who are considered the absolute ideal for their sport, struggle with the very same body-image issues we do and the wish that they looked more like whatever Victoria's Secret Angel or Giorgio Armani underwear model currently captivates the American advertising titans at the moment. 

So the next time you're standing in the mirror wishing your thighs didn't touch or your lips were fuller or whatever has caught your eye today, keep in mind that the human body comes in all shapes and forms, and not only is that diversity healthy, it's beautiful.  Let's reject this quest for the perfect waist once and for all and instead focus on being the best possible version of ourselves we can be, women who are healthy, happy, and proud of the amazing things we can accomplish in the body we were given.

Enjoy your slice!

Sonja

Excerpt from Oprah!

For this week's blog, I would like to share with you the work of another sister-in-body-love's work that my wonderful mother sent to me over the weekend and which captures the true essence of what I hope to convey to all of you.  The full article, written by Amy Bloom (totally worth the read!) can be found over here but I've included my favorite excerpts below... enjoy!

"You cannot be a healthy person, let alone hope for healthy children, if you sigh and moan every time you encounter your own image, eat a cookie, or see an airbrushed supermodel on a billboard. Even if it amounts to wholesale pretending—go pretend. Walk around pretending to be a woman who likes her body. Pretend you think your thighs are not disgusting appurtenances but normal, flesh-covered limbs that help you get from place to place. Likewise your not-so-taut arms and not-so-flat tummy. Because every step toward self-love you take, and every inch of confidence you give someone's daughter, makes the world a better place."

"My hobby is watching people, and what I see is that even the most Botoxed, lipo'd, lifted woman cannot conceal herself. If you hate yourself, it shows through every cream and cure there is. Until we stop trying to exorcise our own imperfect selves, driving out normal physical traits as if they were signs of pathology, there will always be some misery in the eyes that nothing can hide."

Ms. Bloom touches on two critical points here: the first is that, even if you don't love your body right in this moment, even if you can't really ever imagine loving your body the way it is right in this moment, you have to try.   I'm a huge proponent of the "fake it 'til you make it" rule; there are certainly days where I look in the mirror and can't stand what I see.  But I stand there anyway and tell myself that every little flaw I pick out is actually what makes me human and what makes me woman and what makes me beautiful.  And you know what?  When I started playing this game with myself, it felt like a big bowl of crap.  But after years (years!) of playing pretend, I'm finally starting to believe it.  Use the power of persuasion to your advantage and start trying to convince yourself that you are, in fact, beautiful, however small that first step you have to take may be.

The second point Ms. Bloom makes that I feel is dead-on is the reality that if you don't truly love yourself, you always know it on some level and so does the rest of the world.  I've said this before and I'll say it again: the simplest, fastest and most efficient way to look better and feel better is to begin to love yourself for the woman you are right now.  Because you know what?  Fixing that one little thing you're always worrying about isn't going to change much. Sure, maybe you'll feel a bit more confident for a moment, but what women struggle with isn't one single issue, it's perfection.  And the problem with perfection?  It's unattainable. 

Take it from someone who knows: I was sure that if I lost the 25 pounds I needed to lose to get down to my goal weight, the heavens would open up and angels would come down singing on glittering clouds and every guy within a five-mile radius would come flocking to me for my autograph.  Or something like that.  You know what actually happened? I was no longer worried about my weight, but then I became worried about the musculature in my back (I know, right?).  And the fact that my flat hair would not keep sex-hair volume no matter how much mousse I used and no matter how much hot air I blow-dried it with.  And I also didn't like my hips or my nose or the way my thighs spread out when I sat down... the list goes on. 

Whatever you can't stand right now has nothing to do with that actual thing, it has to do with the fear of never being enough.  So instead of going through life trying to fix each flaw you find one by one, how about we start learning to accept ourselves for who we are, right here and right now, regardless of what the future might hold for us.  I promise you, starting down this road and taking this journey is not going to be an easy one; in fact, it will be full of tough days and tougher nights.  But it will also be one of the most rewarding things you could ever do for yourself, or any of the other beautiful women you care about.  This journey is going to be one of the hardest of your life, and it's going to be worth the effort a thousand times over, especially when you can become a role model to our mothers, our sisters, our girlfriends, and most importantly, our daughters.

Photoshop madness!

Hey y'all!

As most of you know, I've written a lot of posts on photoshop in the past, namely because I feel it's essentially the scourge of modern society and the empowerment of women in general.  They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and so this week I have something that should be worth a million: a video!!

This video has been making the rounds on social media, but in case you haven't seen it yet, here it is! 

You guys know I love talking about "real" women, and this is a perfect example!  First of all, the amount of change we are now able to digitally accomplish is ridiculous.   But what's even more amazing to me in watching this video is the fact that by the time you reach the end of the video, you have lost any grasp on the reality of what this woman actually looks like!  The woman at the beginning of this clip is someone you can identify with: she's normal.  She's someone you might see on the street, she's someone you can imagine yourself having coffee with.  The end product, however (and note the use of the word product), is entirely superficial.  The image produced is fake; it's a creation of computer imaging, and the danger in this retouching is the fact that ad companies allow you to believe the woman they've created is somehow real.  

This leaves women feeling that there's no way they can possibly live up to the standards of this real-life Barbie.  Importantly, they can't; she's a figment of the imaginations of social branding specialists and in no way does she represent reality or any sort of attainable ideal.  And neither does any other picture you'll find in advertising!

So!  The take-away message is as such: never should you ever compare yourself to any kind of advertising, commercial publication, or the like.  Those representations of women are not real.  Not even the women used in the construction of these ads look anything like the final product!  So stop flipping through Cosmo wishing for smooth, cellulite-free legs or a gap between your thighs. You are real (and you are beautiful) and that is more than a computer image can ever be!

Enjoy your slice!

Sonja

What normal women look like.

Yesterday I had a bit of a rough day.  It's midterms week in my neck of the woods and I'm struggling.  Not enough sleep combined with stress eating too much Halloween candy had me feeling less than my best.  But I had to go to school and I had to mail a package and I had to buy cat food, so I threw on an old pair of jean shorts, a baggy tee, blew off make up and walked out the door.  And then I spent the day feeling pretty shitty about myself.  I was convinced I looked awful and that everyone else thought so too, and I let it ruin my day.  Until I got home that is, accidentally caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized I had spent the whole day with a negative attitude for nothing.  I looked fine!  Granted, it's not the best I've ever left the house but it certainly wasn't the worst (read: the swine flu epidemic of 2009).

So today, I've brought you proof of what I experienced first hand yesterday, and what I'm sure you've all experienced countless times... that even when you don't look your best, you still look fine!  And how have I brought proof of that, you ask?  Celebrities without makeup! 

I love pictures of celebrities without makeup.  Why?  Not because I like judging other women, no.  I love them because they prove once and for all that celebrities are real people too!  Some days they look fabulous and sometimes they look like they could use a latte and a couple hours of sleep.  That is, they're just like us!

So, for your viewing pleasure, I present..

Jennifer Lawrence, one of the most beautiful and genuine actresses in Hollywood:

Tyra Banks, a Victoria's Secret model and the heir to the America's Next Top Model throne:

Hilary Duff, the girl I wanted to be for at least half of my childhood (who could resist the promise of becoming an Italian pop princess?):

Mila Kunis, who was Esquire's 2013 "Sexiest Woman Alive":
 

 
Kelly Clarkson, the first American Idol:

And lastly, Sofia Vergarra, a Columbian actress/model and a real stunner:

Alright ladies, what was your first reaction?  That these ladies are ugly and horrible and that they never should have left the house looking like that?  No, it's that they just look normal!  And you know what?  That's what people think of you when you're not looking your best either.  (This is even more true because nobody holds you to as high a standard as we hold celebrities!).

We all have those days where we know it's just not going to happen.  You're bloated, your skin broke out, you pulled an all-nighter to finish that paper... whatever the reason, you're just not feeling your best.  And typically we spend the whole day feeling crappy because we think we look crappy and we think everyone else notices we look crappy. 

But you know what?  They don't, because to them, you look normal, just like every one of these beautiful women here.  Sure, a pair of spanx and some contouring would probably make you look more runway-ready, but on the day to day, nobody is noticing the condition of your yoga pants or your skin.  So stop spending so much time worrying about it and just get through the day!  We all have enough on our plate to worry about (school, jobs, boyfriends, the list goes on...) without adding the pressure to look amazing every day to that load!  So the next time you wake up and know it's just not your day, put on your comfiest clothes, grab your favorite Starbucks drink and let yourself off the hook.  You are beautiful, just like you were yesterday and just like you will be tomorrow, and the only thing that can change that is your attitude.  That's the whole point of this blog, isn't it?  Change your attitude, change your life.

Oh, and treat yourself to a little Halloween candy this week!  Trust me on this one, a few pieces of chocolate are not going to change a thing.

Back with a vengence.

Alright, I'm going to be straight with you guys: I went off the radar for far too long.  I let spring semester get the best of me, and then I figured I'd take the summer off, and then I started in on my core zoology courses and then I got a job and then I started looking at grad schools... long story short, there are a million excuses but I'm back!  For real.  But I'm making a few changes.

Weekly posts (now on Tuesday nights) are still a go! However, 2,000 word diatribes on the ins and outs of body acceptance in Western society, not so much. I don't have time to write them, you don't have time to read them, enough said.  So instead, I will be blogging once a week and trying to keep it short and simple while hopefully still providing tons of inspiration and food for thought.

Okay! Let's dive in.

On the agenda for today is something that has taken the internet, and many impressionable young girls, by storm the past few months, and that is "fitspo"- images of supposedly "healthy" women with inspiring quotes that are supposed to motivate you to get "healthy" too.

They look something like this:

Or this...

And they get me real riled up.  But I usually just brush them off and figure we've all gone through that early teenage phase of trying to starve ourselves and we eventually realize bags of chips are delicious and you're never going to get that thigh gap back anyway, so why worry about it?

And then I saw this one:

This image has been circulating through social media for about a week now, and every time I see it I find myself just getting more and more frustrated, namely because I had hoped that by the time we reach motherhood ourselves, we will have given up on the vanity of focusing so much of our time and energy on self-appearance, as well as the self-deprecation that comes along with it ("What's your excuse?").

But then, lo and behold, a sister in body solidarity posted this beauty in response:

All I can say is glory, glory, hallelujah.  First of all, can I just give some mad props to the wonderful husband undoubtedly who took this picture?  You go, man.

Second, since when is raising three children an "excuse" for not being a size 2?  Honestly, somebody clue me in here.  Because I thought that once you went through the transformative process of becoming a mother, you got let off the hook a little bit.  When we were learning about reproduction in 6th grade, they seem to have left out the part where if you don't have a rock-hard fitness-model body within a year of having a baby, you're officially a failure.  I mean, you just created life for God's sake, I'm pretty sure you're allowed to indulge in a little ice cream!  (Not to mention all those late nights staying up with the baby... forget the freshman 15, I'm talking about that first-year 15!)

More importantly though, I'm being honest when I say I think that second mom, the woman who's okay with having a little extra skin after giving birth to those three beautiful little munchkin faces, looks pretty darn happy with herself and her life.  And you know what ladies (and gents)?  It's okay to be happy with your less than perfect body.  Who decides what perfection looks like anyway?  There are a lot more important things in this world than the size of your waist.  And while she may be carrying a few extra pounds of baby weight, I would say that that second mom, our inspiration for the week, has a heart that's way big enough to make up for it.  So how about you let yourself off the hook a bit and realize that your body is far from the be-all and end-all of who you are?  There are a lot more important qualities you should be defining yourself by that are much more indicative of the kind of person you are than the number on the scale.

6 ways to tell your girl to lose some weight, and other musings.

Hello my gorgeous ladies and gents!  I'm back!

As many of you may have noticed, I've been absent from the blog-sphere for far too long!  I was planning on just taking the semester off as I struggle to pass my required physics course (yuck!), but, as usual, I've stumbled across something that hit such a bad note with me, I just had to write about it!

And what is that "bad note," you might ask?  Just a little article on AskMen.com, a website dedicated to giving all the dudes out there some guidance on how to "become a better man."  Trust me, you're going to laugh when you see what kind of advice they're doling out.

The article in question is titled: "6 Ways to Tell Your Girl to Lose Some Weight".

Are you offended yet?  Maybe you're sitting there thinking (like I was), "alright, this sounds bad, but maybe there's a perfectly reasonable explanation.  After all, it's not necessarily immoral for a boyfriend to be invested in his woman's health."  Or something along those lines.

Well guess again, ladies!  While Mr. Chris Lumsdon, the author of this masterpiece, has omitted any explicit reason as to why you would want your girlfriend to lose weight, the fact that many of his suggestions revolve around simply shaming your beloved into realizing she looks gross leads me to believe he has a little more than mere health concerns at heart.

By now you're probably wondering, what are these ways in which I should: ruin any sense of trust my girlfriend has placed in me/ set myself up for a gnarly kick to the groin/ tell my girlfriend she's getting fat?  Well, dear readers, here they are: {In case you don't believe this, here's the original.}

1. Tell her her favorite outfit looks bad on her.  If she doesn't look good in her "go-to getup," she'll realize she doesn't look good in anything!  From there you can relax and "watch her forever skip the nachos and cheese."
2. Tell her YOU feel fat.  "She'll become fat-obsessed by osmosis." (I'm not even making this up.)
3. Pick one of her not-so-skinny friends and announce that because she's fat, she's ugly.  "She'll be thinking that if you find her bookworm buddy hefty, perhaps a diet should be on her docket."
4. Announce you have a hot new female trainer at the gym.  She'll be so jealous she'll go the gym with you every time you go "just to keep an eye on you."
5. Buy her a piece of clothing that is obviously too small, and subtly announce that the sales clerk said it's only meant for "smaller women... she'll work morning, noon and night to fit into that cursed thing."
6.  Tell her you want to lose weight together.  This suggestion was the most reasonable of the bunch, until Mr. Lumsdon added that your girlfriend will be so overwhelmed to see that you're invested in her health (by worrying about the couple of pounds she gained over the holidays) that she'll go out of her way to spoil you and treat you and show you she's invested in you, too...  I don't know about you ladies, but if my boyfriend told me I was looking a little "flabby," tickets to his favorite sports team would be the LAST thing he'd be getting!

I want to say I don't even have words for how I feel about this list, but the fact is, I have far too many!  I could go on for days about how misogynistic, backward-thinking and offensive this is, but I'm going to try to keep it short: no man (or woman) in your life should ever, ever feel it's okay to shame you for the way you look, regardless of your weight, your shape, or any other aspect of your body.  Women have been fat and skinny and short and tall and curvy and straight and everything in between for hundreds of years.  Just because the media has decided that the way your body looks it "out" right now does not mean that it's "wrong." 

Beauty has been coming in all forms before you, and it will continue to come in all forms long after you're gone. You are a beautiful woman exactly the way you are, and you should never give anybody the right to tell you any differently.  It may be a cliche but it's true: never let anybody steal your happiness, and never let anybody dull your sparkle.  You are wonderful and beautiful and amazing and incredible, and if someone around you doesn't see that, it's their loss.  Even if you agree that you would like to make some changes to your body or your appearance, that's your choice to make.  It should not be influenced by magazines or Victoria's Secret or, heaven forbid, a shitty dick-head boyfriend who happens to think you would look more do-able with a flatter stomach.  It is your right to stop worrying about your extra little jiggles here and there, learn to love your body and learn to love the way it lets you enjoy life!  And you should never let anybody ever convince you of anything different.

P.S.: There is an awesome bright side I forgot to mention: of the 500 men who read this article online and chose to participate in a poll, more than 50% of them voted that the "tips" the author doles out make them either "sad" or "furious."  Further, only 13% claimed it helped make them a "better man."  So just take heart that, for every total jerk out there who is judging you by the size of your jeans, there's a whole other guy who is digging your self-acceptance, and would never ask you to change! Now that sounds like the world I want to live in!