I already have a bikini body.

Hey lovelies!

Today we're going to talk about exercise.  Now before you start feeling all guilty on me, don't worry- this isn't one of these "you better get your butt in shape before spring break" posts.  You guys know me better than that.  In fact, it's almost the opposite.

My relationship with exercise has changed a lot over the years.  In fact, I would almost say I've come full circle; five years ago, I would work out until I made myself sick just to burn those few extra calories.  I thought that injuries were a sign of dedication, not one of obsession.  The summer I decided to do a triathlon, I ended up with an injured body and a strained mind.That's why, when I woke up with the flu the morning of my first marathon, after running over 500 training miles in the past year, the real feat was allowing myself to pull out of the race when I started feeling bad at mile 4. 

Since then, I've realized that the best kind of exercise is the one that works for your soul as well as your body.  I've been spending a lot of time recently trying to figure out what I enjoy doing and what I can see myself doing for the rest of my life, not just in the period of time leading up to a big race.  For me that's hiking (incorporating my love of being out in nature), swimming laps (so meditative!), and yoga.

As a broke college student, I'm not one to spend a lot of money on a gym membership or fitness classes.  That's why I've been teaching myself yoga and practicing in my own home.  So last night, I was on the hunt for new yoga sequences to try, and one of the first hits from a quick Google search lead me to a Women's Health Magazine article on doing yoga at home...  Perfect!

What wasn't so perfect? The pop-up ad that appeared in the middle of my reading the article.

I took a screenshot:

Notice anything bad?  Like really bad?

How about the fact that to close this ad and get back to whatever you were reading, you literally have to click a link that says "No thanks, I already have a bikini body"... For shame, Women's Health.

Now I know bikini bodies are always a major focus this time of year: spring break is upon us, summer is on the horizon, and by now most of us have given up at least partially on our annual resolution to score that dream body once and for all.

But that doesn't mean that we should revert to all-out body shaming!  Seeing this made me feel that what I'm doing for the good of my body and my soul simply isn't good enough.  I found myself sitting there thinking, "maybe instead of doing a yoga practice I should be heading out for a run.  I'd burn more calories and maybe I'd look thinner for that event I have on Saturday night."  It didn't matter that this is the first time in my life I've really felt like I'm finding some inner peace through my workouts instead of even more objectification, or the first time I can feel my injuries healing instead of getting worse.  That all seemed irrelevant when I looked at that model's body at the edge of the ad and realized there's no way I'm going to look anywhere near that in my spring break pictures.

And that's exactly where the problem lies: this ad leads you to believe that the only reasonable excuse you could have for not signing up for their plan is because you're already perfect.  And because they know you know you're not "perfect," whatever you've decided that word means to you, they're running a successful marketing campaign based off of that fact.  And that's a pretty low blow.

I sat looking at this ad for a while last night, puzzling over it as well as my feelings about it, and here's what I came up with: I think it's time we stop buying into this kind of marketing.  It's time we stood up for ourselves and our right to feel comfortable, even sexy, in our own skin, in the body we have right now.  It's time we clicked the "No thanks, we already have a bikini body" button because, you know what, we do!

And to prove how much I really believe this, here's mine:

It took me a long time to come to terms with this picture.  It was taken on a diving trip during a spring break island-hop to Maui, and I had spent nearly 3 months counting calories and running religiously so I would look great on this trip.  I'm even wearing a brand new Victoria's Secret bikini I bought to reward my hard work as well as to make me feel extra confident.  So when I asked a tourist to capture the moment and I stood there sucking in my stomach so I would look even better, I was expecting this picture to be pretty fabulous.

And by "expecting this picture to be pretty fabulous," I mean I was expecting that I would look really skinny.  I was expecting to see a magazine-ready photo that I could plaster all over social media to show my friends what a glamorous life I was living, flaunting my amazing body all over the Hawaiian islands.  I wanted something that would make my high school friends comment that I was "looking really good these days," something that would make my exes realize that they really had lost the break-up game.

And what I got was this.  A picture of me in a bikini on a boat.  A picture that didn't magically change my perspective on my body or lead me to drop all of my insecurities like I had hoped it might.  In all honesty, it may have made me feel even more critical! Why?  Because of the value I placed on it. 

I can basically promise you that no matter how much you insist on looking to your body to validate your self-worth and put all of your insecurities to rest, you're always going to end up disappointed.  Self-acceptance comes from your heart, not from what you see when you look in the mirror.  So this bikini season, let's give up the whole charade.  It's high time you realized that the body you're sitting in is pretty okay.  In fact, it's more than okay.   It's beautiful, it's real, and it's yours. Come spring break, go rock that bikini you just had to have without shame, without regret, knowing that you may not look like a model, but you'll look happy, and that's just so much more beautiful.

Enjoy the slice,

xo Sonja

P.S.  Just in case you need a little extra inspiration, check out this little diddy from country music up-and-comer Kacey Musgraves.  It had me smiling ear to ear!

Getting back to work.

Hello old friends and welcome to War and Pieces of Pie, 2014!

One of the things I notice when I take breaks from writing this blog is that I start to slip back into the old habits of body-shaming we all have: lingering a bit too long in front of the mirror, weighing and measuring yourself obsessively, fixating on "quick fixes" instead of on a healthy lifestyle, etc.  Loving your body takes a lot of practice, and when you get out of practice, it becomes a lot harder to incorporate in your daily routine.

So long story short, I'm back.  Again.  Better than ever, as always.

I've been meaning to start blogging again for a few weeks now, but I was waiting for the right opportunity to arise... so when I came across an article called "Why 'Love Your Body' Campaigns Aren't Working," you can imagine I was intrigued.  Now before you get yourself all riled up (my initial reaction!), check out a few of my favorite highlights from Isabel Foxen Duke's article:

• Like an unfortunately large percentage of women in the U.S., I grew up criticizing my body and dieting regularly from a young age.  I spent years of my life terrified I would never get "there," the place where my weight and all perceived rewards of thinness would finally fall into place.

• I remember seeing body-positive campaigns like Dove's Real Beauty or Victoria's Secret's Love Your Body -- campaigns that encourage women to "love the skin they're in" -- and thinking, "that's nice, but I still wish I was thinner."  

•  While changing the figures and images in the media is an important and wonderful first step (particularly for building new beliefs in younger generations), it may fall on deaf ears amongst those who have already been brainwashed that "thin" is where life happens.

• If we don't actively dismantle the myths that have been embedded into women's psyche around weight historically, those myths will linger, regardless of how many plus-sixed models they see on billboards.

• What are YOU making "fat" mean?  Are you making fat mean that you'll never find a suitable partner?  That you're unworthy of the respect of your peers?  That you'll never "make it" professionally?  That no one will take you seriously?  CHALLENGE THAT.

Now I more than anyone am clearly a proponent of loving your body, in good times and in bad. But I also know that we as women place pressure on ourselves to achieve a certain physical standard even in the best of times.  I myself am sitting here writing this half-trying to remember how many meters I got in at the pool this week- I want to look good when I meet my sister's college friends for the first time come spring break.  

Even when I see pictures of beautiful women who are near my size, I find myself thinking, "she looks great, but I'm not shaped like that," or "I'd need to lose a few pounds to pull that off" or some other self-deprecating remark along those lines.  You guys know what I mean.  I know you know what I mean because I'm pretty sure this is a near-universal issue for at least most first-world women, even though we are more and more surrounded by pictures of "real" women as the love-your-body campaign progresses.

I think what Ms. Duke, who also writes a blog on self-acceptance, is getting at is that no amount of reading inspiring quotes about how wonderful you are in your own skin is going to shift the notions that you've developed over the past decade or more about what being "worthy" means, and for almost all of us, being worthy of love and respect and admiration at least in part revolves around our physical being.

Don't get me wrong, you guys know how much I value a healthy lifestyle, but what you feed your body and what you feed your soul are two totally distinct, and equally important, aspects of your own personal well-being and, as such, require much different considerations.

What do I mean by that?  I mean that the stigma you yourself attach to your body is more powerful than any magazine ad could ever be.  It may be that media influence initially helped to shape your notions of what being "deserving" means, but it is now your own personal responsibility to allow yourself to let go of all the things you've attached to your self-image.  You WILL marry that handsome gentleman you've always dreamed of and you WILL land that amazing job and you WILL rock that super cute bikini you've been eyeing for months!  Don't let your jean size get in the way of the things you've worked hard for and the things that you've earned in the body you're sitting in right now.  

I understand that that's a pretty big task to undertake, but it's my belief that the first step, and perhaps the single most important step, in beginning down a path towards self-acceptance is taking the time to become conscious of the beliefs you hold about yourself and your body, and what that means in terms of what you feel you deserve in your life.  So when you're having that moment when you realize summer is on its way and New Year's resolutions kind of suck, try to keep in mind that while it is of course necessary and important to appreciate your body for all the amazing things it does, "loving your body" has little to do with your body itself; "loving your body" comes from realizing that your body, whether you love it or hate it, is not the be-all and end-all of your own being.  You are beautiful for so many reasons, and your body is just a single piece of the puzzle.

Enjoy the slice!

xo Sonja