"I choose to be fat."

An old friend from my hometown sent me a truly incredible piece of writing this past weekend from Laura Bogart, a freelance author who recently wrote an article called "I choose to be fat" (find it here).  It's a piece in which she discusses the self-esteem issues she's dealt with for the majority of her life as a result of being overweight. If you've struggled with your weight at any point in your life, as I have, it's a wonderful read.  But even if you haven't, this piece is truly empowering in that it speaks to the underlying issue most of us routinely face: never feeling like we're enough.

I would highly recommend you take the time to read the full article at some point, but in case you only have a few minutes right now, here are two of my favorite points:

• Whenever the women around me talk about how great so-and-so looks now that she’s joined that pricey gym or gone under the knife (even if so-and-so is still sort of a bitch), I remember purging and popping pills and eating three well-balanced meals a day; binging and starving and reading “Anna Karenina” on a StairMaster. But none of it left me happier or healthier. Just hungry.
• In every special episode about weight loss, tearful brides lament how big they look in wedding photos, as if the 26-inch waist they have now negates the husbands who’ve always loved them. Fathers choke up remembering the day they knew they “had to make a change,” the day their toddlers randomly called them fat, as if that observational indictment means more than all those “I love you’s.” There’s always a former Miss Lonelyheart, a thirtysomething virgin who — after a gastric bypass or militant adherence to the Paleo diet — has shed half her body weight and is finally ready for Mr. Right. I’ve no doubt that they really do feel healthier and happier, and honestly (truly) good for them. I just wish that the entirety of their lives weren’t reduced to a single achievement. 

Ms. Bogart hits on something really important here, and that thing is that your body does not define you.  Yes, it's where you live and it's what you carry with you through life, but the number of calories you eat or the size of your waist has nothing to do with who you are really are.  I've spent years watching people judge me for my weight - cashiers asking if I'm making a "good choice" when I buy brownie mix at the market instead of some sort of cruciferous vegetable; a man laughing at me in disbelief when he overheard me talking about how I had recently completed a triathlon; a nurse retaking my vital stats twice because she couldn't believe that they were all within the "optimal" range.  However, they know nothing about the groundbreaking work I've done in the animal welfare field or how much I love Christmastime or how I hope to open a bakery someday or really anything that defines who I am as a person.  And even worse, I carry this constant fear that even if they knew me, really knew me, none of it would matter; all they would see is "fat."

The point is this: you are so much more than your appearance.  Even if you were to transform yourself and reach that body you've always dreamed of, it certainly wouldn't be the most important thing you'd do in this world.  The amazing things you think about and feel and love and want to change are so much more important than any pair of jeans could ever be.  So how about this Thanksgiving, instead of putting even more energy into worrying about those few pounds you're constantly trying to stave off, try instead to be thankful for the beautiful body you were given, a body that allows you to do some pretty amazing things in this world.  You are not the size of your pants or the number on the scale.  You are real and you are incredible in the very body you're sitting in right now, and that is enough.

Oh, and have that second slice of pie if you have room.  Trust me on this one, you deserve it.

Enjoy the slice,

Sonja

All kinds of shapes and sizes.

Today I have something really amazing and inspiring for you guys!  

Howard Schatz is an American ophthalmologist-turned-photographer whose recent work focuses primarily on exploring the human form.  His most recent publication, a coffee-table book called "Athlete," is a collection of the world's most successful athletes in essentially every major sport imaginable.  He photographs each athlete oiled up, in the same black underwear and under the same lighting, and the results are incredible.

Have a look:

I'm hoping that by the time you've looked through all of these pictures you're as taken aback as I was when I first found them.  What should strike you as so incredible and so inspiring about this photo series is that these athletes (every single one of them) are in top physical condition; these are world champions, gold-medal Olympians who represent the absolute ideal form for their sport, yet their bodies could not be more different.

I'm hoping you've already drawn some conclusions for yourself, but let me point out the most obvious: there is no "perfect" body.  You may have some concept in your head of what you "should" look like, and it probably revolves around some unattainable standard of beauty that is based in marketing campaigns and Photoshop.  As Tina Fey writes in her recent Bossypants,

"Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits."

And she could not be more right.  Looking through these photos that represent the ultimate extremes of diversity in a healthy human form, it should become clear to you that there is no one "perfect" body.  In fact, I'm sure even some of the athletes photographed, who are considered the absolute ideal for their sport, struggle with the very same body-image issues we do and the wish that they looked more like whatever Victoria's Secret Angel or Giorgio Armani underwear model currently captivates the American advertising titans at the moment. 

So the next time you're standing in the mirror wishing your thighs didn't touch or your lips were fuller or whatever has caught your eye today, keep in mind that the human body comes in all shapes and forms, and not only is that diversity healthy, it's beautiful.  Let's reject this quest for the perfect waist once and for all and instead focus on being the best possible version of ourselves we can be, women who are healthy, happy, and proud of the amazing things we can accomplish in the body we were given.

Enjoy your slice!

Sonja

Excerpt from Oprah!

For this week's blog, I would like to share with you the work of another sister-in-body-love's work that my wonderful mother sent to me over the weekend and which captures the true essence of what I hope to convey to all of you.  The full article, written by Amy Bloom (totally worth the read!) can be found over here but I've included my favorite excerpts below... enjoy!

"You cannot be a healthy person, let alone hope for healthy children, if you sigh and moan every time you encounter your own image, eat a cookie, or see an airbrushed supermodel on a billboard. Even if it amounts to wholesale pretending—go pretend. Walk around pretending to be a woman who likes her body. Pretend you think your thighs are not disgusting appurtenances but normal, flesh-covered limbs that help you get from place to place. Likewise your not-so-taut arms and not-so-flat tummy. Because every step toward self-love you take, and every inch of confidence you give someone's daughter, makes the world a better place."

"My hobby is watching people, and what I see is that even the most Botoxed, lipo'd, lifted woman cannot conceal herself. If you hate yourself, it shows through every cream and cure there is. Until we stop trying to exorcise our own imperfect selves, driving out normal physical traits as if they were signs of pathology, there will always be some misery in the eyes that nothing can hide."

Ms. Bloom touches on two critical points here: the first is that, even if you don't love your body right in this moment, even if you can't really ever imagine loving your body the way it is right in this moment, you have to try.   I'm a huge proponent of the "fake it 'til you make it" rule; there are certainly days where I look in the mirror and can't stand what I see.  But I stand there anyway and tell myself that every little flaw I pick out is actually what makes me human and what makes me woman and what makes me beautiful.  And you know what?  When I started playing this game with myself, it felt like a big bowl of crap.  But after years (years!) of playing pretend, I'm finally starting to believe it.  Use the power of persuasion to your advantage and start trying to convince yourself that you are, in fact, beautiful, however small that first step you have to take may be.

The second point Ms. Bloom makes that I feel is dead-on is the reality that if you don't truly love yourself, you always know it on some level and so does the rest of the world.  I've said this before and I'll say it again: the simplest, fastest and most efficient way to look better and feel better is to begin to love yourself for the woman you are right now.  Because you know what?  Fixing that one little thing you're always worrying about isn't going to change much. Sure, maybe you'll feel a bit more confident for a moment, but what women struggle with isn't one single issue, it's perfection.  And the problem with perfection?  It's unattainable. 

Take it from someone who knows: I was sure that if I lost the 25 pounds I needed to lose to get down to my goal weight, the heavens would open up and angels would come down singing on glittering clouds and every guy within a five-mile radius would come flocking to me for my autograph.  Or something like that.  You know what actually happened? I was no longer worried about my weight, but then I became worried about the musculature in my back (I know, right?).  And the fact that my flat hair would not keep sex-hair volume no matter how much mousse I used and no matter how much hot air I blow-dried it with.  And I also didn't like my hips or my nose or the way my thighs spread out when I sat down... the list goes on. 

Whatever you can't stand right now has nothing to do with that actual thing, it has to do with the fear of never being enough.  So instead of going through life trying to fix each flaw you find one by one, how about we start learning to accept ourselves for who we are, right here and right now, regardless of what the future might hold for us.  I promise you, starting down this road and taking this journey is not going to be an easy one; in fact, it will be full of tough days and tougher nights.  But it will also be one of the most rewarding things you could ever do for yourself, or any of the other beautiful women you care about.  This journey is going to be one of the hardest of your life, and it's going to be worth the effort a thousand times over, especially when you can become a role model to our mothers, our sisters, our girlfriends, and most importantly, our daughters.

Photoshop madness!

Hey y'all!

As most of you know, I've written a lot of posts on photoshop in the past, namely because I feel it's essentially the scourge of modern society and the empowerment of women in general.  They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and so this week I have something that should be worth a million: a video!!

This video has been making the rounds on social media, but in case you haven't seen it yet, here it is! 

You guys know I love talking about "real" women, and this is a perfect example!  First of all, the amount of change we are now able to digitally accomplish is ridiculous.   But what's even more amazing to me in watching this video is the fact that by the time you reach the end of the video, you have lost any grasp on the reality of what this woman actually looks like!  The woman at the beginning of this clip is someone you can identify with: she's normal.  She's someone you might see on the street, she's someone you can imagine yourself having coffee with.  The end product, however (and note the use of the word product), is entirely superficial.  The image produced is fake; it's a creation of computer imaging, and the danger in this retouching is the fact that ad companies allow you to believe the woman they've created is somehow real.  

This leaves women feeling that there's no way they can possibly live up to the standards of this real-life Barbie.  Importantly, they can't; she's a figment of the imaginations of social branding specialists and in no way does she represent reality or any sort of attainable ideal.  And neither does any other picture you'll find in advertising!

So!  The take-away message is as such: never should you ever compare yourself to any kind of advertising, commercial publication, or the like.  Those representations of women are not real.  Not even the women used in the construction of these ads look anything like the final product!  So stop flipping through Cosmo wishing for smooth, cellulite-free legs or a gap between your thighs. You are real (and you are beautiful) and that is more than a computer image can ever be!

Enjoy your slice!

Sonja