I already have a bikini body.

Hey lovelies!

Today we're going to talk about exercise.  Now before you start feeling all guilty on me, don't worry- this isn't one of these "you better get your butt in shape before spring break" posts.  You guys know me better than that.  In fact, it's almost the opposite.

My relationship with exercise has changed a lot over the years.  In fact, I would almost say I've come full circle; five years ago, I would work out until I made myself sick just to burn those few extra calories.  I thought that injuries were a sign of dedication, not one of obsession.  The summer I decided to do a triathlon, I ended up with an injured body and a strained mind.That's why, when I woke up with the flu the morning of my first marathon, after running over 500 training miles in the past year, the real feat was allowing myself to pull out of the race when I started feeling bad at mile 4. 

Since then, I've realized that the best kind of exercise is the one that works for your soul as well as your body.  I've been spending a lot of time recently trying to figure out what I enjoy doing and what I can see myself doing for the rest of my life, not just in the period of time leading up to a big race.  For me that's hiking (incorporating my love of being out in nature), swimming laps (so meditative!), and yoga.

As a broke college student, I'm not one to spend a lot of money on a gym membership or fitness classes.  That's why I've been teaching myself yoga and practicing in my own home.  So last night, I was on the hunt for new yoga sequences to try, and one of the first hits from a quick Google search lead me to a Women's Health Magazine article on doing yoga at home...  Perfect!

What wasn't so perfect? The pop-up ad that appeared in the middle of my reading the article.

I took a screenshot:

Notice anything bad?  Like really bad?

How about the fact that to close this ad and get back to whatever you were reading, you literally have to click a link that says "No thanks, I already have a bikini body"... For shame, Women's Health.

Now I know bikini bodies are always a major focus this time of year: spring break is upon us, summer is on the horizon, and by now most of us have given up at least partially on our annual resolution to score that dream body once and for all.

But that doesn't mean that we should revert to all-out body shaming!  Seeing this made me feel that what I'm doing for the good of my body and my soul simply isn't good enough.  I found myself sitting there thinking, "maybe instead of doing a yoga practice I should be heading out for a run.  I'd burn more calories and maybe I'd look thinner for that event I have on Saturday night."  It didn't matter that this is the first time in my life I've really felt like I'm finding some inner peace through my workouts instead of even more objectification, or the first time I can feel my injuries healing instead of getting worse.  That all seemed irrelevant when I looked at that model's body at the edge of the ad and realized there's no way I'm going to look anywhere near that in my spring break pictures.

And that's exactly where the problem lies: this ad leads you to believe that the only reasonable excuse you could have for not signing up for their plan is because you're already perfect.  And because they know you know you're not "perfect," whatever you've decided that word means to you, they're running a successful marketing campaign based off of that fact.  And that's a pretty low blow.

I sat looking at this ad for a while last night, puzzling over it as well as my feelings about it, and here's what I came up with: I think it's time we stop buying into this kind of marketing.  It's time we stood up for ourselves and our right to feel comfortable, even sexy, in our own skin, in the body we have right now.  It's time we clicked the "No thanks, we already have a bikini body" button because, you know what, we do!

And to prove how much I really believe this, here's mine:

It took me a long time to come to terms with this picture.  It was taken on a diving trip during a spring break island-hop to Maui, and I had spent nearly 3 months counting calories and running religiously so I would look great on this trip.  I'm even wearing a brand new Victoria's Secret bikini I bought to reward my hard work as well as to make me feel extra confident.  So when I asked a tourist to capture the moment and I stood there sucking in my stomach so I would look even better, I was expecting this picture to be pretty fabulous.

And by "expecting this picture to be pretty fabulous," I mean I was expecting that I would look really skinny.  I was expecting to see a magazine-ready photo that I could plaster all over social media to show my friends what a glamorous life I was living, flaunting my amazing body all over the Hawaiian islands.  I wanted something that would make my high school friends comment that I was "looking really good these days," something that would make my exes realize that they really had lost the break-up game.

And what I got was this.  A picture of me in a bikini on a boat.  A picture that didn't magically change my perspective on my body or lead me to drop all of my insecurities like I had hoped it might.  In all honesty, it may have made me feel even more critical! Why?  Because of the value I placed on it. 

I can basically promise you that no matter how much you insist on looking to your body to validate your self-worth and put all of your insecurities to rest, you're always going to end up disappointed.  Self-acceptance comes from your heart, not from what you see when you look in the mirror.  So this bikini season, let's give up the whole charade.  It's high time you realized that the body you're sitting in is pretty okay.  In fact, it's more than okay.   It's beautiful, it's real, and it's yours. Come spring break, go rock that bikini you just had to have without shame, without regret, knowing that you may not look like a model, but you'll look happy, and that's just so much more beautiful.

Enjoy the slice,

xo Sonja

P.S.  Just in case you need a little extra inspiration, check out this little diddy from country music up-and-comer Kacey Musgraves.  It had me smiling ear to ear!

Getting back to work.

Hello old friends and welcome to War and Pieces of Pie, 2014!

One of the things I notice when I take breaks from writing this blog is that I start to slip back into the old habits of body-shaming we all have: lingering a bit too long in front of the mirror, weighing and measuring yourself obsessively, fixating on "quick fixes" instead of on a healthy lifestyle, etc.  Loving your body takes a lot of practice, and when you get out of practice, it becomes a lot harder to incorporate in your daily routine.

So long story short, I'm back.  Again.  Better than ever, as always.

I've been meaning to start blogging again for a few weeks now, but I was waiting for the right opportunity to arise... so when I came across an article called "Why 'Love Your Body' Campaigns Aren't Working," you can imagine I was intrigued.  Now before you get yourself all riled up (my initial reaction!), check out a few of my favorite highlights from Isabel Foxen Duke's article:

• Like an unfortunately large percentage of women in the U.S., I grew up criticizing my body and dieting regularly from a young age.  I spent years of my life terrified I would never get "there," the place where my weight and all perceived rewards of thinness would finally fall into place.

• I remember seeing body-positive campaigns like Dove's Real Beauty or Victoria's Secret's Love Your Body -- campaigns that encourage women to "love the skin they're in" -- and thinking, "that's nice, but I still wish I was thinner."  

•  While changing the figures and images in the media is an important and wonderful first step (particularly for building new beliefs in younger generations), it may fall on deaf ears amongst those who have already been brainwashed that "thin" is where life happens.

• If we don't actively dismantle the myths that have been embedded into women's psyche around weight historically, those myths will linger, regardless of how many plus-sixed models they see on billboards.

• What are YOU making "fat" mean?  Are you making fat mean that you'll never find a suitable partner?  That you're unworthy of the respect of your peers?  That you'll never "make it" professionally?  That no one will take you seriously?  CHALLENGE THAT.

Now I more than anyone am clearly a proponent of loving your body, in good times and in bad. But I also know that we as women place pressure on ourselves to achieve a certain physical standard even in the best of times.  I myself am sitting here writing this half-trying to remember how many meters I got in at the pool this week- I want to look good when I meet my sister's college friends for the first time come spring break.  

Even when I see pictures of beautiful women who are near my size, I find myself thinking, "she looks great, but I'm not shaped like that," or "I'd need to lose a few pounds to pull that off" or some other self-deprecating remark along those lines.  You guys know what I mean.  I know you know what I mean because I'm pretty sure this is a near-universal issue for at least most first-world women, even though we are more and more surrounded by pictures of "real" women as the love-your-body campaign progresses.

I think what Ms. Duke, who also writes a blog on self-acceptance, is getting at is that no amount of reading inspiring quotes about how wonderful you are in your own skin is going to shift the notions that you've developed over the past decade or more about what being "worthy" means, and for almost all of us, being worthy of love and respect and admiration at least in part revolves around our physical being.

Don't get me wrong, you guys know how much I value a healthy lifestyle, but what you feed your body and what you feed your soul are two totally distinct, and equally important, aspects of your own personal well-being and, as such, require much different considerations.

What do I mean by that?  I mean that the stigma you yourself attach to your body is more powerful than any magazine ad could ever be.  It may be that media influence initially helped to shape your notions of what being "deserving" means, but it is now your own personal responsibility to allow yourself to let go of all the things you've attached to your self-image.  You WILL marry that handsome gentleman you've always dreamed of and you WILL land that amazing job and you WILL rock that super cute bikini you've been eyeing for months!  Don't let your jean size get in the way of the things you've worked hard for and the things that you've earned in the body you're sitting in right now.  

I understand that that's a pretty big task to undertake, but it's my belief that the first step, and perhaps the single most important step, in beginning down a path towards self-acceptance is taking the time to become conscious of the beliefs you hold about yourself and your body, and what that means in terms of what you feel you deserve in your life.  So when you're having that moment when you realize summer is on its way and New Year's resolutions kind of suck, try to keep in mind that while it is of course necessary and important to appreciate your body for all the amazing things it does, "loving your body" has little to do with your body itself; "loving your body" comes from realizing that your body, whether you love it or hate it, is not the be-all and end-all of your own being.  You are beautiful for so many reasons, and your body is just a single piece of the puzzle.

Enjoy the slice!

xo Sonja

New year's resolutions.

Hey beautifuls and happy holidays!

I'm sorry I missed you guys last week.  We ended up having a last-minute family day together to celebrate Christmas Eve...  I find that sometimes you just need to get away from it all and reload!

With that being said, Happy New Year's Eve!!  Let me just preface this post with the fact that I am known to be a bit of a fuddy-duddy about this holiday.  I love watching the ball drop as much as the next girl but what I don't love is the ridiculous New Year's resolutions everyone feels obligated to make, and I'll tell you why.

The tradition of making these resolutions is based in using an obvious time-marker as a moment to consciously put our best foot forward for the coming year.  Nice, right? Right.

But what I often see as a result of this is my friends and family making resolutions based on the inherent feeling that they need to change something about themselves, that they somehow aren't enough the way they are at this very moment and they need to make an effort now so that they can reach that ever-transient "enough" in the future. 

As far as the women in my life are concerned, most often these resolutions revolve around the physical changes we want to make to our bodies in order to be thinner or hotter or whatever, and that really gets me.  Most of you guys know what I preach by now: you are beautiful and amazing and wonderful exactly the way you are, and you certainly don't need to change anything to be worthy of all the love and happiness in the world.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for self-improvement, but that improvement should be based on what's going to genuinely make you happier and healthier, not what will be more acceptable to your friends or what will lure in the hottest guys or what will make you more attractive to our society.

Take it from someone who has made this mistake one too many times:

I used to spend each New Year's Eve stuffing my face with the idea that come January 1st, my resolution to "finally lose the weight for good" would take effect and this time it would really stick.  The first time I made that resolution was in 4th grade. Each year was the same pattern: I would stick with a diet/exercise plan for a few weeks, gradually get bored and be back to my usual ways without much to show for it.

However, when I made the same resolution at the beginning of 2010, the second half of my freshman year at college, it really stuck.  I stopped eating almost entirely, subsisting on the one cup of miso soup I would allow myself each day.  I started skipping classes to go to Bikram hot yoga, a welcome relief as I was freezing all the time.  I stopped going out with my friends so they wouldn't see how strained my relationships had become; instead, I would go to the gym and spend 3 hours on the StairMaster, watching myself in the mirror and calling myself fat, telling myself that this was the punishment for a lifetime of overeating.  And, not surprisingly, I lost 20 pounds.  And it felt amazing and I could wear whatever I wanted and everyone told me how great I looked and all my guy friends were suddenly interested in me.

But what they couldn't see was that it wasn't actually amazing, that underneath that new, thin front, I was suffering.  I was hungry and cold and sad and scared and even though I had this amazing new body, I didn't have the soul to fill it up anymore.

It took me years to recover from that New Year's resolution.   Since then, I have discovered that the best resolutions you can make are those that will feed your mind, body and soul as one.  I know it sounds a little earth-child of me, but really, if you're going to spend a whole year focusing on some major goal, shouldn't it be one that is going to add joy and happiness to your life instead of one that will force you to give up the things you love?

Now keep in mind, I'm all for self-improvement.  I'm constantly looking for little tweaks to make my life a happier and overall healthier one.  But in the same vein, realize that many of the body-based New Year's resolutions we make don't actually make us healthier or happier.  Often they just make us miserable!

So how about this New Year, we try something different?  Instead of making that same stale resolution to lose five pounds or tone your butt or whatever it is you freak out about, how about you focus instead on what will lead to not only a healthier body but a happier one?

Instead of resolving to "exercise more," make time for active recreation that makes you happy and that you can look forward to.   There's no need to hit the gym when you can go for a hike, walk your dog on the beach, kayak at the lake, take a salsa class with that sexy man in your life, or even play tag with your nieces and nephews!  Forget that "eat less" resolution, but work on nourishing your body by learning how to cook healthy, homemade meals, hitting the local farmer's market as a weekly date night or kicking some of those processed foods to the curb.

See what I mean?  Resolutions can be at once a lot more fun and a lot more beneficial to your body and your soul if you take the time to consider what will make you genuinely happier and healthier not just for 2014 but for the rest of your life.

With that, I am off to enjoy tonight's obligatory glass of champagne and some homemade tamales (guilt-free!) before we embark on another beautiful year of growth and self-discovery. Happy new year and I'll see you in 2014.

That's the slice!

Sonja

A little bit of inspiration.

Hello beautifuls.

Today's blog is a bit of a cop-out on my part due to the fact that the phylogeny of vertebrate evolution is a lot more difficult to memorize than I thought it would be...

BUT never fear!  Instead of writing an article, I decided to post a few of my favorite quotes about loving and accepting yourself and your body, quotes that I go back to when I'm having a hard time doing the same thing myself.  I definitely think they'll speak to you, hopefully they'll inspire you, and just maybe you'll have one of those awesome "aha!" moments that so many of these have brought to me.

One of my favorite things about quotes, really good quotes, is that you can hang onto them.  I keep a list of the ones that inspire me most on my phone so that I always have them with me for those moments I need a little push in the right direction.  I truly believe that the attitude you have approaching problems big and small determines 99% of your success, and so when I just can't seem to put a smile on, sometimes I can find solace in these.  Hopefully you can do the same!

So check it out!  I find it most productive to read one of them, pause, and really consider it.  I know that sounds so 6th grade ("don't forget to pause and think about what you've just read!"), but it really does help get the message across.  Here are 8 of my favorite quotes about loving and accepting yourself just as you are:

 

There you have it!  If you don't have time to go through and think on them right now, no worries.  Maybe you can find a few minutes over the upcoming holiday to really meditate on a few of your favorites and see where that takes you!

If, on the other hand, you need a little something extra to get you through the holidays (which are unfortunately sometimes filled with the innane opinions of family and old friends about who you should be and how you should get there and why whatever you're doing right now is somehow wrong), I also maintain a Pinterest board where I pin tons of quotes and pictures that I find inspiring and encouraging.  Check that out here: "One Size Does Not Fit All".

More than anything, just remember that, even if certain others don't recognize how amazing you are, even if you can't see it in yourself yet, you truly are beautiful and wonderful and inspiring, just the way you are.  And once you realize that, nobody can take it away from you.

One more for the road, party rockers:

And that's the slice!

Enjoy,

Sonja

VS Fashion Show (Round Two)

Alright, ladies, today's the day, the day when millions of beautiful and amazing young women will sit themselves down in front of their TVs with a pint of Haagen Dazs and try to figure out where they went wrong, why they will never have the big breasts or the slim waist or the long, lanky legs society demands from them...  Today is the day of the annual Victoria's Secret Fashion show.

Before we dive in, I just want to put the disclaimer out there that I'm not saying you can't watch the show or even that you shouldn't watch it.  I love the spectacle of the thing just as much as you do!  Who doesn't want to see a $10 million bra paraded down the runway amidst a surely even-more expensive production?

What you aren't allowed to do is sit there and wallow in your own misfortune, wishing you could look like one of those women.

Why, you ask?

Well, first of all, if you've been following me for a while, you'll remember that in my last post about the VS Fashion Show, I explored a professional make-up artist's take on how to pull off the VS look.  (If you haven't read that post or would like a little refresher, find it here: "Victoria's little secrets.")  Spoiler alert: throw in some extensions, a fake tan and some HAC-ing and we could all look like a VS Angel.

Still not convinced?  I have proof (a picture's worth a thousand words, after all). I give to you, for your viewing pleasure, the transformation of a VS Angel, from untouched to photo- or runway-ready:

I'm not the best at recognizing faces, but I'm being honest when I say that if I saw some of these women on the street in normal dress, I really don't think I'd recognize them as models.  In no way am I trying to suggest they aren't beautiful, they're just normal women like you and me.

Feeling a bit better?  Now remember that these beauties don't just go walking around looking like they just got off the runway every day; it takes hours (sometimes even days) of intensive beauty care by industry professionals to get these women looking their best, and that's after all of the months spent with personal trainers and nutritionists.

Adriana Lima (the brunette in the first picture) has spoken at length to the amount of work that goes into her preparation for the show, including "twice-daily workouts, drinking gallons of water (literally) every day, a high-protein diet" and a full-out, liquids-only diet leading up to the show.  And that's before the hours of professional work.  Doutzen Kroes, another Angel, further told the New York Post, "Sometimes it makes me feel guilty now that I am in this profession that makes... girls insecure. I always say, I don't look like [that]."

Just think about this for a second: looking fantastic come show-time is these women's lives.  It's their job.  They are paid millions of dollars a year to look the way they do at this show, and they don't do it on their own.  If you had a personal trainer, a personal chef, and a dozen hair and make-up experts working on you day and night,, don't you think you'd look a lot closer to that ideal you're always aiming for?

But you know what?  That's not your life and it's not your job and it's not your responsibility, no matter how much society would like you to think so.

I'm going to guess that you're a lot like me.  You probably have two or three more commitments in the air than any sane woman would take on, on top of trying to balance school and a job and maybe even a relationship with a healthy lifestyle.  Sound familiar?  Right.  So why in the name of that catrillion-dollar bra do you expect yourself to look like a model while you're doing it?  Unless you're willing to spend 8+ hours a day making this your one and only goal, you shouldn't.

And you know what else? You are brilliant and amazing and wonderful at what YOU do, and that is plenty.  So go, watch the show, but keep in mind that you are just as worthy and just as wonderful as those Angels, and as long as you're doing your best in your own life, that is more than enough.

Enjoy the slice,

Sonja

Transformation tuesday!

Hey y'all! (I spent Thanksgiving with an amazing Southern family and I'm feelin' the vibe.)

You guys know how much I love internet phenomena, so it should come as no surprise that today I'm drawing from yet another picture that's making its rounds in the online community this week.  What's a bit different than usual is that it's actually something positive!

You know those before-and-after photos you see in essentially every weight-loss commercial/ad/etc. known to man?  Yeah, me too.  You know how they make you feel like you're some great, unfinished work and if you could just lose that weight that drives you crazy, you could be as happy as those "after" picture people? Yeah, ME TOO.

So you can only imagine how much it brightened my day when I found this gem from fitness blogger Mel V.:

(Sorry about the awkward sizing, I'm still figuring out the blogging world!)

Here's the full caption that she posted with this photo:

"Check out my transformation! It took me 15 minutes.  Wanna know my secret?  Well firstly I ditched the phonewallet (fwallet) cause that thing is lame, swapped my bather bottoms to black (cause they're a size bigger and black is slimming), Smothered on some fake tan, clipped in my hair extensions, stood up a bit taller, sucked in my guts, popped my hip- threw in a skinny arm, stood a bit wider #boxgap, pulled my shoulders back and added a bit of cheeky/Im so proud of my results smile.  Zoomed in on the before pic- zoomed out on the after & a filter. Cos' filters make everything awesome.  What's my point? Don't be deceived by what you see in magazines & on Instagram.. You never see the dozens of other pics they took that wernt as flattering.  Photoshop can make a pig look hotter than Beyonce."

Cue round of applause!

I actually went to Mel V.'s blog to check out what she's up to, and it turns out this whole "screw the transformation pictures" thing is like, a movement or something. 

Here's another one for all the guys out there reading along!  This is Andrew Dixon, a personal trainer:

The caption on this one reads:

"I decided to take my own transformation photos to see what was possible with just a few easy tweaks...  I was feeling particularly bloated on the day, so I asked my girlfriend to take a before shot.  I then shaved my head, face and chest and prepared for the after shot, which was about an hour after I took the before shot.  I did a few push ups and chin ups, tweaked my bedroom lighting, sucked in, tightened my abs and BOOM!  We got our after shot.  As you can see, I'm no bodybuilder, but I had enough muscle on me to catch some shadows from the all-important overhead lighting."

Here's another one he did where he tries to replicate "a few months of hard work and dieting" over the course of an hour:

Another round of applause?

Alright, enough clapping.  In all seriousness, I think that seeing these is so important for us because we live in what Mr. Dixon calls "a world of manipulation, false promises and exaggeration."  We all see those before-and-after photos and we wish we could be the "after"s- by Christmas or by our next birthday or by our next big date even, we could be thin, tan, beautiful, and (supposedly) so much happier.  But you know what?  Just like the high fashion ads I'm always ragging on, these transformations aren't real.  Not even close. 

I'm going to quote Mr. Dixon again here because he really just gets what I'm all about:

"Forget about the quick transformations and focus on a life of healthy eating, well-managed stress levels, quality sleep and plenty of movement. Spend time with people who have similar goals and values and take time to appreciate yourself the way you are right now. Don't beat yourself up if you eat a cookie, just enjoy that cookie and everything else life has to offer.

We all spend too much time sucking in our guts, trying to look the way we think society thinks we should. Don't waste any more energy trying to compete with everyone else.

It's all smoke and mirrors."

Boom.  If that doesn't inspire you, I don't know what will.

Also, I know a lot of us are entering that high-stress period of finals that drives students crazy, so if this is you, please try to remember that your well-being is the single most important thing in your life.  Take care of yourself, take care of your body and keep everything in perspective- just like a few pounds don't decide your future, neither does a test.  Trust me: I've been there, I've failed that test, and I lived to tell the tale. 

Alright ladies and gentlemen, that's the slice!

Much love, 

Sonja

"I choose to be fat."

An old friend from my hometown sent me a truly incredible piece of writing this past weekend from Laura Bogart, a freelance author who recently wrote an article called "I choose to be fat" (find it here).  It's a piece in which she discusses the self-esteem issues she's dealt with for the majority of her life as a result of being overweight. If you've struggled with your weight at any point in your life, as I have, it's a wonderful read.  But even if you haven't, this piece is truly empowering in that it speaks to the underlying issue most of us routinely face: never feeling like we're enough.

I would highly recommend you take the time to read the full article at some point, but in case you only have a few minutes right now, here are two of my favorite points:

• Whenever the women around me talk about how great so-and-so looks now that she’s joined that pricey gym or gone under the knife (even if so-and-so is still sort of a bitch), I remember purging and popping pills and eating three well-balanced meals a day; binging and starving and reading “Anna Karenina” on a StairMaster. But none of it left me happier or healthier. Just hungry.
• In every special episode about weight loss, tearful brides lament how big they look in wedding photos, as if the 26-inch waist they have now negates the husbands who’ve always loved them. Fathers choke up remembering the day they knew they “had to make a change,” the day their toddlers randomly called them fat, as if that observational indictment means more than all those “I love you’s.” There’s always a former Miss Lonelyheart, a thirtysomething virgin who — after a gastric bypass or militant adherence to the Paleo diet — has shed half her body weight and is finally ready for Mr. Right. I’ve no doubt that they really do feel healthier and happier, and honestly (truly) good for them. I just wish that the entirety of their lives weren’t reduced to a single achievement. 

Ms. Bogart hits on something really important here, and that thing is that your body does not define you.  Yes, it's where you live and it's what you carry with you through life, but the number of calories you eat or the size of your waist has nothing to do with who you are really are.  I've spent years watching people judge me for my weight - cashiers asking if I'm making a "good choice" when I buy brownie mix at the market instead of some sort of cruciferous vegetable; a man laughing at me in disbelief when he overheard me talking about how I had recently completed a triathlon; a nurse retaking my vital stats twice because she couldn't believe that they were all within the "optimal" range.  However, they know nothing about the groundbreaking work I've done in the animal welfare field or how much I love Christmastime or how I hope to open a bakery someday or really anything that defines who I am as a person.  And even worse, I carry this constant fear that even if they knew me, really knew me, none of it would matter; all they would see is "fat."

The point is this: you are so much more than your appearance.  Even if you were to transform yourself and reach that body you've always dreamed of, it certainly wouldn't be the most important thing you'd do in this world.  The amazing things you think about and feel and love and want to change are so much more important than any pair of jeans could ever be.  So how about this Thanksgiving, instead of putting even more energy into worrying about those few pounds you're constantly trying to stave off, try instead to be thankful for the beautiful body you were given, a body that allows you to do some pretty amazing things in this world.  You are not the size of your pants or the number on the scale.  You are real and you are incredible in the very body you're sitting in right now, and that is enough.

Oh, and have that second slice of pie if you have room.  Trust me on this one, you deserve it.

Enjoy the slice,

Sonja

All kinds of shapes and sizes.

Today I have something really amazing and inspiring for you guys!  

Howard Schatz is an American ophthalmologist-turned-photographer whose recent work focuses primarily on exploring the human form.  His most recent publication, a coffee-table book called "Athlete," is a collection of the world's most successful athletes in essentially every major sport imaginable.  He photographs each athlete oiled up, in the same black underwear and under the same lighting, and the results are incredible.

Have a look:

I'm hoping that by the time you've looked through all of these pictures you're as taken aback as I was when I first found them.  What should strike you as so incredible and so inspiring about this photo series is that these athletes (every single one of them) are in top physical condition; these are world champions, gold-medal Olympians who represent the absolute ideal form for their sport, yet their bodies could not be more different.

I'm hoping you've already drawn some conclusions for yourself, but let me point out the most obvious: there is no "perfect" body.  You may have some concept in your head of what you "should" look like, and it probably revolves around some unattainable standard of beauty that is based in marketing campaigns and Photoshop.  As Tina Fey writes in her recent Bossypants,

"Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits."

And she could not be more right.  Looking through these photos that represent the ultimate extremes of diversity in a healthy human form, it should become clear to you that there is no one "perfect" body.  In fact, I'm sure even some of the athletes photographed, who are considered the absolute ideal for their sport, struggle with the very same body-image issues we do and the wish that they looked more like whatever Victoria's Secret Angel or Giorgio Armani underwear model currently captivates the American advertising titans at the moment. 

So the next time you're standing in the mirror wishing your thighs didn't touch or your lips were fuller or whatever has caught your eye today, keep in mind that the human body comes in all shapes and forms, and not only is that diversity healthy, it's beautiful.  Let's reject this quest for the perfect waist once and for all and instead focus on being the best possible version of ourselves we can be, women who are healthy, happy, and proud of the amazing things we can accomplish in the body we were given.

Enjoy your slice!

Sonja

Excerpt from Oprah!

For this week's blog, I would like to share with you the work of another sister-in-body-love's work that my wonderful mother sent to me over the weekend and which captures the true essence of what I hope to convey to all of you.  The full article, written by Amy Bloom (totally worth the read!) can be found over here but I've included my favorite excerpts below... enjoy!

"You cannot be a healthy person, let alone hope for healthy children, if you sigh and moan every time you encounter your own image, eat a cookie, or see an airbrushed supermodel on a billboard. Even if it amounts to wholesale pretending—go pretend. Walk around pretending to be a woman who likes her body. Pretend you think your thighs are not disgusting appurtenances but normal, flesh-covered limbs that help you get from place to place. Likewise your not-so-taut arms and not-so-flat tummy. Because every step toward self-love you take, and every inch of confidence you give someone's daughter, makes the world a better place."

"My hobby is watching people, and what I see is that even the most Botoxed, lipo'd, lifted woman cannot conceal herself. If you hate yourself, it shows through every cream and cure there is. Until we stop trying to exorcise our own imperfect selves, driving out normal physical traits as if they were signs of pathology, there will always be some misery in the eyes that nothing can hide."

Ms. Bloom touches on two critical points here: the first is that, even if you don't love your body right in this moment, even if you can't really ever imagine loving your body the way it is right in this moment, you have to try.   I'm a huge proponent of the "fake it 'til you make it" rule; there are certainly days where I look in the mirror and can't stand what I see.  But I stand there anyway and tell myself that every little flaw I pick out is actually what makes me human and what makes me woman and what makes me beautiful.  And you know what?  When I started playing this game with myself, it felt like a big bowl of crap.  But after years (years!) of playing pretend, I'm finally starting to believe it.  Use the power of persuasion to your advantage and start trying to convince yourself that you are, in fact, beautiful, however small that first step you have to take may be.

The second point Ms. Bloom makes that I feel is dead-on is the reality that if you don't truly love yourself, you always know it on some level and so does the rest of the world.  I've said this before and I'll say it again: the simplest, fastest and most efficient way to look better and feel better is to begin to love yourself for the woman you are right now.  Because you know what?  Fixing that one little thing you're always worrying about isn't going to change much. Sure, maybe you'll feel a bit more confident for a moment, but what women struggle with isn't one single issue, it's perfection.  And the problem with perfection?  It's unattainable. 

Take it from someone who knows: I was sure that if I lost the 25 pounds I needed to lose to get down to my goal weight, the heavens would open up and angels would come down singing on glittering clouds and every guy within a five-mile radius would come flocking to me for my autograph.  Or something like that.  You know what actually happened? I was no longer worried about my weight, but then I became worried about the musculature in my back (I know, right?).  And the fact that my flat hair would not keep sex-hair volume no matter how much mousse I used and no matter how much hot air I blow-dried it with.  And I also didn't like my hips or my nose or the way my thighs spread out when I sat down... the list goes on. 

Whatever you can't stand right now has nothing to do with that actual thing, it has to do with the fear of never being enough.  So instead of going through life trying to fix each flaw you find one by one, how about we start learning to accept ourselves for who we are, right here and right now, regardless of what the future might hold for us.  I promise you, starting down this road and taking this journey is not going to be an easy one; in fact, it will be full of tough days and tougher nights.  But it will also be one of the most rewarding things you could ever do for yourself, or any of the other beautiful women you care about.  This journey is going to be one of the hardest of your life, and it's going to be worth the effort a thousand times over, especially when you can become a role model to our mothers, our sisters, our girlfriends, and most importantly, our daughters.

Photoshop madness!

Hey y'all!

As most of you know, I've written a lot of posts on photoshop in the past, namely because I feel it's essentially the scourge of modern society and the empowerment of women in general.  They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and so this week I have something that should be worth a million: a video!!

This video has been making the rounds on social media, but in case you haven't seen it yet, here it is! 

You guys know I love talking about "real" women, and this is a perfect example!  First of all, the amount of change we are now able to digitally accomplish is ridiculous.   But what's even more amazing to me in watching this video is the fact that by the time you reach the end of the video, you have lost any grasp on the reality of what this woman actually looks like!  The woman at the beginning of this clip is someone you can identify with: she's normal.  She's someone you might see on the street, she's someone you can imagine yourself having coffee with.  The end product, however (and note the use of the word product), is entirely superficial.  The image produced is fake; it's a creation of computer imaging, and the danger in this retouching is the fact that ad companies allow you to believe the woman they've created is somehow real.  

This leaves women feeling that there's no way they can possibly live up to the standards of this real-life Barbie.  Importantly, they can't; she's a figment of the imaginations of social branding specialists and in no way does she represent reality or any sort of attainable ideal.  And neither does any other picture you'll find in advertising!

So!  The take-away message is as such: never should you ever compare yourself to any kind of advertising, commercial publication, or the like.  Those representations of women are not real.  Not even the women used in the construction of these ads look anything like the final product!  So stop flipping through Cosmo wishing for smooth, cellulite-free legs or a gap between your thighs. You are real (and you are beautiful) and that is more than a computer image can ever be!

Enjoy your slice!

Sonja

What normal women look like.

Yesterday I had a bit of a rough day.  It's midterms week in my neck of the woods and I'm struggling.  Not enough sleep combined with stress eating too much Halloween candy had me feeling less than my best.  But I had to go to school and I had to mail a package and I had to buy cat food, so I threw on an old pair of jean shorts, a baggy tee, blew off make up and walked out the door.  And then I spent the day feeling pretty shitty about myself.  I was convinced I looked awful and that everyone else thought so too, and I let it ruin my day.  Until I got home that is, accidentally caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized I had spent the whole day with a negative attitude for nothing.  I looked fine!  Granted, it's not the best I've ever left the house but it certainly wasn't the worst (read: the swine flu epidemic of 2009).

So today, I've brought you proof of what I experienced first hand yesterday, and what I'm sure you've all experienced countless times... that even when you don't look your best, you still look fine!  And how have I brought proof of that, you ask?  Celebrities without makeup! 

I love pictures of celebrities without makeup.  Why?  Not because I like judging other women, no.  I love them because they prove once and for all that celebrities are real people too!  Some days they look fabulous and sometimes they look like they could use a latte and a couple hours of sleep.  That is, they're just like us!

So, for your viewing pleasure, I present..

Jennifer Lawrence, one of the most beautiful and genuine actresses in Hollywood:

Tyra Banks, a Victoria's Secret model and the heir to the America's Next Top Model throne:

Hilary Duff, the girl I wanted to be for at least half of my childhood (who could resist the promise of becoming an Italian pop princess?):

Mila Kunis, who was Esquire's 2013 "Sexiest Woman Alive":
 

 
Kelly Clarkson, the first American Idol:

And lastly, Sofia Vergarra, a Columbian actress/model and a real stunner:

Alright ladies, what was your first reaction?  That these ladies are ugly and horrible and that they never should have left the house looking like that?  No, it's that they just look normal!  And you know what?  That's what people think of you when you're not looking your best either.  (This is even more true because nobody holds you to as high a standard as we hold celebrities!).

We all have those days where we know it's just not going to happen.  You're bloated, your skin broke out, you pulled an all-nighter to finish that paper... whatever the reason, you're just not feeling your best.  And typically we spend the whole day feeling crappy because we think we look crappy and we think everyone else notices we look crappy. 

But you know what?  They don't, because to them, you look normal, just like every one of these beautiful women here.  Sure, a pair of spanx and some contouring would probably make you look more runway-ready, but on the day to day, nobody is noticing the condition of your yoga pants or your skin.  So stop spending so much time worrying about it and just get through the day!  We all have enough on our plate to worry about (school, jobs, boyfriends, the list goes on...) without adding the pressure to look amazing every day to that load!  So the next time you wake up and know it's just not your day, put on your comfiest clothes, grab your favorite Starbucks drink and let yourself off the hook.  You are beautiful, just like you were yesterday and just like you will be tomorrow, and the only thing that can change that is your attitude.  That's the whole point of this blog, isn't it?  Change your attitude, change your life.

Oh, and treat yourself to a little Halloween candy this week!  Trust me on this one, a few pieces of chocolate are not going to change a thing.

Back with a vengence.

Alright, I'm going to be straight with you guys: I went off the radar for far too long.  I let spring semester get the best of me, and then I figured I'd take the summer off, and then I started in on my core zoology courses and then I got a job and then I started looking at grad schools... long story short, there are a million excuses but I'm back!  For real.  But I'm making a few changes.

Weekly posts (now on Tuesday nights) are still a go! However, 2,000 word diatribes on the ins and outs of body acceptance in Western society, not so much. I don't have time to write them, you don't have time to read them, enough said.  So instead, I will be blogging once a week and trying to keep it short and simple while hopefully still providing tons of inspiration and food for thought.

Okay! Let's dive in.

On the agenda for today is something that has taken the internet, and many impressionable young girls, by storm the past few months, and that is "fitspo"- images of supposedly "healthy" women with inspiring quotes that are supposed to motivate you to get "healthy" too.

They look something like this:

Or this...

And they get me real riled up.  But I usually just brush them off and figure we've all gone through that early teenage phase of trying to starve ourselves and we eventually realize bags of chips are delicious and you're never going to get that thigh gap back anyway, so why worry about it?

And then I saw this one:

This image has been circulating through social media for about a week now, and every time I see it I find myself just getting more and more frustrated, namely because I had hoped that by the time we reach motherhood ourselves, we will have given up on the vanity of focusing so much of our time and energy on self-appearance, as well as the self-deprecation that comes along with it ("What's your excuse?").

But then, lo and behold, a sister in body solidarity posted this beauty in response:

All I can say is glory, glory, hallelujah.  First of all, can I just give some mad props to the wonderful husband undoubtedly who took this picture?  You go, man.

Second, since when is raising three children an "excuse" for not being a size 2?  Honestly, somebody clue me in here.  Because I thought that once you went through the transformative process of becoming a mother, you got let off the hook a little bit.  When we were learning about reproduction in 6th grade, they seem to have left out the part where if you don't have a rock-hard fitness-model body within a year of having a baby, you're officially a failure.  I mean, you just created life for God's sake, I'm pretty sure you're allowed to indulge in a little ice cream!  (Not to mention all those late nights staying up with the baby... forget the freshman 15, I'm talking about that first-year 15!)

More importantly though, I'm being honest when I say I think that second mom, the woman who's okay with having a little extra skin after giving birth to those three beautiful little munchkin faces, looks pretty darn happy with herself and her life.  And you know what ladies (and gents)?  It's okay to be happy with your less than perfect body.  Who decides what perfection looks like anyway?  There are a lot more important things in this world than the size of your waist.  And while she may be carrying a few extra pounds of baby weight, I would say that that second mom, our inspiration for the week, has a heart that's way big enough to make up for it.  So how about you let yourself off the hook a bit and realize that your body is far from the be-all and end-all of who you are?  There are a lot more important qualities you should be defining yourself by that are much more indicative of the kind of person you are than the number on the scale.

6 ways to tell your girl to lose some weight, and other musings.

Hello my gorgeous ladies and gents!  I'm back!

As many of you may have noticed, I've been absent from the blog-sphere for far too long!  I was planning on just taking the semester off as I struggle to pass my required physics course (yuck!), but, as usual, I've stumbled across something that hit such a bad note with me, I just had to write about it!

And what is that "bad note," you might ask?  Just a little article on AskMen.com, a website dedicated to giving all the dudes out there some guidance on how to "become a better man."  Trust me, you're going to laugh when you see what kind of advice they're doling out.

The article in question is titled: "6 Ways to Tell Your Girl to Lose Some Weight".

Are you offended yet?  Maybe you're sitting there thinking (like I was), "alright, this sounds bad, but maybe there's a perfectly reasonable explanation.  After all, it's not necessarily immoral for a boyfriend to be invested in his woman's health."  Or something along those lines.

Well guess again, ladies!  While Mr. Chris Lumsdon, the author of this masterpiece, has omitted any explicit reason as to why you would want your girlfriend to lose weight, the fact that many of his suggestions revolve around simply shaming your beloved into realizing she looks gross leads me to believe he has a little more than mere health concerns at heart.

By now you're probably wondering, what are these ways in which I should: ruin any sense of trust my girlfriend has placed in me/ set myself up for a gnarly kick to the groin/ tell my girlfriend she's getting fat?  Well, dear readers, here they are: {In case you don't believe this, here's the original.}

1. Tell her her favorite outfit looks bad on her.  If she doesn't look good in her "go-to getup," she'll realize she doesn't look good in anything!  From there you can relax and "watch her forever skip the nachos and cheese."
2. Tell her YOU feel fat.  "She'll become fat-obsessed by osmosis." (I'm not even making this up.)
3. Pick one of her not-so-skinny friends and announce that because she's fat, she's ugly.  "She'll be thinking that if you find her bookworm buddy hefty, perhaps a diet should be on her docket."
4. Announce you have a hot new female trainer at the gym.  She'll be so jealous she'll go the gym with you every time you go "just to keep an eye on you."
5. Buy her a piece of clothing that is obviously too small, and subtly announce that the sales clerk said it's only meant for "smaller women... she'll work morning, noon and night to fit into that cursed thing."
6.  Tell her you want to lose weight together.  This suggestion was the most reasonable of the bunch, until Mr. Lumsdon added that your girlfriend will be so overwhelmed to see that you're invested in her health (by worrying about the couple of pounds she gained over the holidays) that she'll go out of her way to spoil you and treat you and show you she's invested in you, too...  I don't know about you ladies, but if my boyfriend told me I was looking a little "flabby," tickets to his favorite sports team would be the LAST thing he'd be getting!

I want to say I don't even have words for how I feel about this list, but the fact is, I have far too many!  I could go on for days about how misogynistic, backward-thinking and offensive this is, but I'm going to try to keep it short: no man (or woman) in your life should ever, ever feel it's okay to shame you for the way you look, regardless of your weight, your shape, or any other aspect of your body.  Women have been fat and skinny and short and tall and curvy and straight and everything in between for hundreds of years.  Just because the media has decided that the way your body looks it "out" right now does not mean that it's "wrong." 

Beauty has been coming in all forms before you, and it will continue to come in all forms long after you're gone. You are a beautiful woman exactly the way you are, and you should never give anybody the right to tell you any differently.  It may be a cliche but it's true: never let anybody steal your happiness, and never let anybody dull your sparkle.  You are wonderful and beautiful and amazing and incredible, and if someone around you doesn't see that, it's their loss.  Even if you agree that you would like to make some changes to your body or your appearance, that's your choice to make.  It should not be influenced by magazines or Victoria's Secret or, heaven forbid, a shitty dick-head boyfriend who happens to think you would look more do-able with a flatter stomach.  It is your right to stop worrying about your extra little jiggles here and there, learn to love your body and learn to love the way it lets you enjoy life!  And you should never let anybody ever convince you of anything different.

P.S.: There is an awesome bright side I forgot to mention: of the 500 men who read this article online and chose to participate in a poll, more than 50% of them voted that the "tips" the author doles out make them either "sad" or "furious."  Further, only 13% claimed it helped make them a "better man."  So just take heart that, for every total jerk out there who is judging you by the size of your jeans, there's a whole other guy who is digging your self-acceptance, and would never ask you to change! Now that sounds like the world I want to live in!

Stop telling your friends you're fat.

We all have that friend.  The one who is constantly talking about her diet, her workouts, her appearance.  The one whose body issues are never far away.  And while you may think that indulging her a little and letting her vent about her recent lack of gym motivation or finals-induced chub is healthy, it turns out you're wrong: not only is it bad for her, it's bad for you too.  Really bad.

A recent study from Mount Alison University in Canada has discovered that the single most significant factor in a woman's body image, moreso even than her actual weight or body shape, is how her friends feel about their own bodies.

Let that just sink in for a moment.   Then, to give yourself an idea of how true this is on a personal level, just think about how often body issues come up in your conversations.  Now imagine that nobody ever discussed their weight, their latest diet, or their gym routine.  You wouldn't have nearly as much to compare yourself to, and if you read this blog regularly, you should know by now that comparing yourself to others leads to a multitude of body-acceptance sins.  I think Theodore Roosevelt said it best:

 This is actually surprisingly good news! Let me just break this down for you: you know how you've always thought that if you were just a little bit skinnier or a little bit taller or a little bit more this or a little less that, the world would somehow magically become a better place and flowers would bloom wherever you walked and birds would land on your shoulder and sing to you on the way to work?!

It turns out it's a lot easier to get there than you thought!  All you need to do is purge the negative body energy from your life and you're on your way! (Cue songbirds.)

In all honesty, we girls know that on some level those kinds of conversations can't be good for us... but it's just so much easier to feel like a fattie if your best girlfriend is feeling the same way too, right?  Unfortunately, it turns out that by entertaining those kinds of feelings, you're hurting both yourself and your closest friends.  And nobody wants that!

The incredibly positive side to this new research is that it also that proves you yourself can be a major source of body-accepting inspiration to your best friends!  All you need to do is display the kind of self-loving attitude that this blog is all about whenever any body-negative talk comes up.  You don't even have to feel it 100% genuinely- just putting out that kind of presence and energy will make a world of difference.

Try this: the next time your galpal goes in for the kill on her new love handles or the fact that she hasn't hit the gym in over a week, interject with something along the lines of, "well I think you look beautiful exactly the way you are right now."  

Or take a page from the book of one of my favorite modern feminists, the one and only Ellen Degeneres:

Simple, direct, and oh so true!  It will most likely stop your friend in her tracks, and even if she doesn't respond in the moment, I promise it will sit with her and sink in later on.

So there you have it ladies!  Not only is there a way to start feeling better about your body and yourself immediately and without hardly any effort, there is also an easy way to help inspire your girlfriends to join you on the pursuit to self-acceptance!  Now take what this blog has taught you, go out there and spread some body-positive love!  Namaste.

Victoria's little secrets.

As many of you know, this past Tuesday was the annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, something I definitely do not partake in, and I can tell you exactly why: in the hours after the VS Fashion Show, I saw my social media accounts blow up with something along the lines of the following updates, which I pulled directly, word-for-word, from Twitter:

• "Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is Tuesday, bye bye self esteem."

• "Time for Victoria's Secret Fashion show.  Also known as me crying and wishing I looked like them all."

• "Just shed an actual tear while watching the VS Fashion show." 

• "If I had a boyfriend and he was watching the VS Fashion Show, I wouldn't show my face for a week until he forgot what the Angels look like."

• "Watching the VS Fashion show and hating myself."

• "If the VS Fashion Show doesn't make you want to work out, I don't know what will."

• "Post- Victoria's Secret Fashion Show depression."

• "Well that didn't last long... My post-VS Fashion Show diet couldn't survive finals season."

And my personal favorite, from a dude: "If you're a girl out there watching the VS Fashion Show and thinking you're not pretty enough, I have one thing to say to you... you're right."

Alright ladies.  Enough is enough.  First of all, I don't think I need to tell you again that the women you see on the VS Fashion Show are paid millions of dollars to look the way they do.  They spend their entire day in the gym with personal trainers, and they come home to professional chefs who monitor them down to every last calorie.  I can guarantee you that, beyond a doubt, if you had that kind of treatment you would look close to how they do.

Why close?  I'm glad you asked!

I recently stumbled upon a blog that a professional make-up artist writes, and with the upcoming show she detailed what goes into looking like a Victoria's Secret Angel.  Think they just roll out of bed looking toned, tanned and fabulous?  Think again.

Here's the before:

 

Now I'm not going to go through the step-by-step process of her transformation, because that isn't really what I support with this blog, but I will give you a little insight into what goes into making a Victoria's Secret Angel, so you have some perspective.

First, tons (TONS!) of fake hair:

Second, all-over body make-up that tans and tones... This particular make-up artist claims it can reduce the appearance of your body by 20 pounds.

 

And, of course, an incredibly complicated hair and make-up process including professional techniques meant to highlight and contour, ie. slim your non-supermodel features and dramatize the more desirable ones.  (Apparently this model's nose is completely crooked and "seriously needed to be fixed.")

 

And finally, after more than three hours of professional work, the after photo:

 

Before you do anything else, scroll back up and look at the "before."  The "before" girl is someone you would meet in the supermarket or the locker room at your gym, right?  The "after" girl is a professional model.  In case you were bemoaning the fact that the Angels in the fashion show must actually look like they do, since it's broadcast live, here's the truth: they undergo the equivalent of real-life airbrushing prior to the show.

Now I know what you're thinking: you're sitting there going, "But even if all that is true, I still weight 132,485,926 pounds more than any Victoria's Secret Angel!"  But another thing you don't have any perspective on is how significantly our standards of beauty have changed in the past 20 years.

Here's the Victoria's Secret Angels of the 1990's:

And here's some of the most recent girls:

You know that stupid game they always have in the last few pages of celebrity gossip magazines where they ask you to spot the differences between two photos?  Well I can tell you one I spot: in the second picture, each girl is missing about 30 pounds.  Victoria's Secret used to feature women in their 20's and 30's at healthy weights.  Now, they feature eating disorder-laden teenagers.  Let me tell you one thing: if you hadn't hit puberty yet and you were starving yourself, you'd have a hell of a lot better chance of looking like an Angel.  Remember what you weighed in junior high?

My point is this: the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show really, genuinely should not be the make-it or break-it of your self-esteem for the week.  Victoria's Secret has built a multi-billion dollar industry by selling you a fantasy, and nothing else.  If every women looked like a VS Angel, Victoria's Secret wouldn't be making any money.

So! It's time to pull yourself up by your bootstraps my beautiful ladies.  If you've got stress that needs to be used up, channel it into finals season, but please stop with this "I wish I magically looked like a supermodel" nonsense.  If your body gets you up in the morning, gets you through the day, and allows you to do the things you want to do with your life, it is perfect and beautiful and amazing.  It's time you started treating it as such.

P.S. Here's the kind of tweets I expect to see from all of you this time next year!