You gotta fight for the right...

Ladies and gentlemen, it's election season!  And that can only mean one thing: political cartoons.

While this is not exactly a cartoon, I wanted to share it with you:

While I in no way mean to tell you who to vote for, I do believe that anything that has to do with our rights to our own bodies deserves our attention.  Regardless of your political or religious beliefs, if you're reading this blog you are most likely of the opinion that we as women should be the only ones making decisions about how we see our body, how we feel about it and how we treat it.

The fact that politicians have once again become involved in our access to our own bodies is just a testament to the reality of how out of touch we as a society have become with the female body.  For literally hundreds of years we've been objectified as a collective whole without any regard for the reality of the individual.  What I mean by this is that we have a definitive history of viewing the female body as a single entity instead of recognizing that every single woman's body is different (and beautiful because of it).

I believe it is this generalizing of women's bodies that has led to not only the vast disconnect between women and their rights to their own bodies, as is apparent in the current debates, but also the majority of the body issues we experience on a daily basis.  The way that our own society has universalized our millions and millions of unique bodies into one ideal form is what had led to a similarly universal feeling of detachment from our bodies.  It is what had led to that feeling that your own body, the body you were born in, the body you will die in, the body that you are incredibly blessed to have, is somehow foreign.  I'm sure that every single one of us has at some point felt trapped in their own body, as if it is simply some vessel that we are stuck in instead of something that is incredibly integral to who we are and what we can do in this world.

With that being said, it's important to keep in mind not only during the election but far beyond that you and your body are entirely unique: there is nobody like you that has ever been and nobody like you will exist again.  Beyond the snowflake cliches, it really is true that your body is unlike that of any other woman around you, and that is why it doesn't do us any good to compare ourselves to anybody else.  The only thing we all genuinely share is the body hatred that our society has imbued in us since we were little girls.  Some of us are naturally going to look like models and some of us are naturally going to look a little bit like lumpy mashed potatoes when we're under the fluorescent lights in the dressing room (hint: it's me!), and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!  The only wrong  is trying to amalgamate into one single standard of beauty and acceptance when we're all so different!!

So, what have we learned from the blog today?  That we are all beautiful snowflake children of Mother Earth, and that, while we may all share the same messed up body issues that have been pushed on us since we got our first issue of Seventeen Magazine, we really are all very different.  During this election season, don't let anyone push upon you the attitude that you don't have every single right to decide for yourself what you want for your body.  I hope that, even by the act of reading this blog, you've made the first step in rejecting society's claim to your feelings about your body and reclaiming them for yourself.

The only way we should be generalizing the female race is through the fact that we are all struggling with the same things, and if we stand together and celebrate our differences, we can be more powerful than ever before.  Welcome to the 21st century: the weather is currently sunny with a 60% chance of radical self-love and female revolution. #

An angel's words of wisdom.

Today I want to talk about photoshopping, because it is my belief that the majority of the body issues we suffer from are those that are created and propagated by the media.  However, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, so instead of writing about it, I'm just going to show you.

Keep in mind that, while these photos are clearly photoshopped, most of them are still of models and celebrities who are paid six-figure incomes every year to maintain the way they look.  The fact that they're really a size 8 instead of a size 14 is a result of this.

Let's start with a basic swimsuit model, and let's also play that game, "can you spot the difference?"  This woman, while beautiful, has a normal body.  She doesn't have a particularly flat stomach or toned thighs and she's certainly rocking some curves on her hips.  According to the fashion industry though, she's nowhere near good enough.  Her breasts have been enhanced, stomach flattened, hips/arms/thighs slimmed, and she's been smoothed and tanned all over.

Here's one of fashion's most beautiful plus-size models, Tara Lynn.  Just in case us curvy girls don't struggle with our figure enough, let's take an amazing role model and shave off forty pounds.  Oh, and also, we're still going to list this as "plus sized."  Are your body issues starting to make sense yet?

Here's another plus-size photo that's been drastically edited.  Next time you're hating on your back fat, keep in mind that one of the highest-paid models in the industry to date sports it like a champ.

Let's switch over to celebrities for a moment.  Take Mariah Carey for example: for 42 I think she's looking pretty damn good, but apparently I'm wrong.  In this photo for Glamour, her body structure has been completely overhauled and everything has been smoothed out into that perfect, cellulite-free glean that no number of hours in the gym is going to get you.  Why, you ask?  Because it's fake.

You know how everybody is always raging about the fact that Madonna is in her 50's and still looks like a teenager?  Surprise!  She doesn't.

If you're like me, you should be looking at this next "before" picture and wondering, "okay, what could possibly be wrong with Eva Longoria?" As it turns out, her arms and thighs are actually too skinny (wish I had that problem!), while her waist is not nearly defined enough.  All that time you've spent doing crunches to get a teensy waist and squatting to get a fat booty to complement it?  Yeah, they don't exist together.

And just so none of you girls out there are left thinking "I don't even look like the before pictures!", here's one of fashion's top up-and-coming models, before and after.  This should prove to you, unequivocally, once and for all, that if we all had a personal stylist and professional make up artist hitting us up every morning before we left the house, as well as someone to photoshop all of our photos after they were taken, you can bet there wouldn't be a single picture that you would want to untag yourself from.

One of Victoria's Secret's angels, Erin Heatherton, recently had a pre-retouching photo released from her latest bikini photoshoot, and I was actually incredibly impressed with the way she responded to it.  Here's the image:

And here's what she said about photoshopping:

"We're not selling reality; we're selling a story. It's all about creating this fantasy. And I don't think people should confuse fantasy and reality because no one is perfect—we all know that, and I think people should embrace themselves and not really focus on where people are depicted as perfect and where they're not."

Also, just a good thing to keep in mind: take a good long look at the before picture.  That's a body that most of us would kill for and Erin, who is a Victoria's Secret Angel, is still self-conscious about this image, a testament to the fact that no matter what you look like, you, as a woman in our society, are still going to feel like you aren't good enough.  Keep in mind that it's a feeling and not a reality, and no amount of dieting is going to fix that feeling for you.  You have to acknowledge it and fix it yourself.  You are perfect in your body, right now, sitting at your laptop reading this.  You are beautiful and strong and powerful, and you are NOT what the media says you are.

So the next time the Victoria's Secret catalog comes and you feel like crying over the fact that there's literally no way you will ever look like that, keep in mind that there isn't any way you will look like that because it's not real.  Advertisers photoshop because they want you to think, "if I buy that product, I will be beautiful and sexy and happy just like that woman."  The fact of the matter is, you can be beautiful and sexy and happy right now.  And isn't that a lot easier than having to lose a ton of weight first? #

Gays and fatties.

Today is National Coming Out Day, a day where we are supposed to put aside our differences and honor the fact that at the base of humanity, we ultimately all have the same desires: to be accepted, to be respected, and most importantly, to be loved.

With those principle values in mind, I want to talk to you about an issue that is directly parallel to the struggles of being anything but heterosexual in a straight society: being anything but skinny in a fat-phobic society. 

At this point, I hope you have come to realize that the thinness obsession in our culture is not only perpetuating hate, both of ourselves and others, but it is also completely unrealistic and senseless.

Don't believe me?  This should sum it up:

First of all, that model definitely works out and she most certainly does not eat everything she wants, because it is her JOB to look like that.  I'm going to repeat that because I think this point is SO important.  It is a model's JOB to look the way she does.  She is paid huge amounts of money to spend 8 hours in the gym every day with a personal trainer and to have a nutritionist and personal chef craft the perfect meals necessary to look the way she does.  And as if that's not enough, she's photoshopped by experts to remove any lasting imperfections that even an intense regime of caloric deprivation and extreme exercise couldn't get rid of.

If you lived the life of a Victoria's Secret model, I guarantee you would look like one too.  And I can also guarantee that you wouldn't like it much and would eventually find that the sacrifices models make to look the way they do would not be worth the payoff of being a size 2.

Secondly, beyond that, why would you not accept that some people are built skinny and some of us are built to carry a little extra weight?  Why is that so inconceivable to you?  All people are not created equal, and neither are all bodies.  Being skinny doesn't mean you have an eating disorder and being fat does not mean you are lazy and glutinous.  I work out 7 days a week and eat incredibly healthfully, and I'm still carrying a good deal of extra weight.  Why, you ask?  Because I am a descendant of the line of Irishmen whose bodies survived the Potato Famine by learning to hold on to every extra calorie they could get.  Does that make me a bad person?  Of course not, just as it doesn't make you a bad one either.

Having a body that differs from "normal" does not mean that there is anything wrong with you.  Feeling bad about being different doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you either; it means that there is something seriously wrong with our society that we are not willing to accept anyone who deviates slightly from what we are taught is the norm. The truth is, there is no normal.  We are all different and no amount of fat-shaming or gay-bashing is going to change that. 

Regardless of your feelings about gay rights, if you are anything more than supermodel thin, you have experienced the exact same feelings of hatred and exclusion that gay men and women experience every day.  It's time we put our differences aside and with that, put an end to both the body-hatred and the baseless prejudices that are hurting every single one of us, every single day, whether we know it or not.  Life is hard enough as it is- instead of upholding these insane standards which we can't possibly live up to, why don't we simply our lives and try to learn compassion for both ourselves and the others around us who are struggling to be accepted just as much as we are?  I don't know about you, but I would much rather work towards that goal than towards getting into a pair of Heidi Klum's jeans. #

A bunch of thoughts on being fat.

I was first told I was "fat" by a dance instructor when I was 8.  Eight years old.  I was in 3rd grade.  I had my own thing going and I thought I was pretty fly back in those days.  The source of this fat accusation? I was 5 pounds over the normal range for my age.  5 whole pounds.  Pretty much the end of the world right?

Let me tell you what happens when you tell a child they're fat.  They reevaluate everything they've ever thought of themselves.  At 8 years old, I was a championship Irish dancer who had won more national titles than most kids my age could count to.  I was also at the top of my class, and I was invited to all the "cool" birthday parties.  But that one day when my instructor decided to label me with this terrible, horrible word, everything changed.  It no longer mattered that I was a great dancer, a great student, a great friend.  How could you be anything great if you were FAT?

I went on my first diet when I was 9.  I started going to the gym when I was 10.  When I was 11, I started down the road towards my first eating disorder.  I have been riding this rollercoaster ever since.

Even if you yourself haven't been the target of such hateful words directly, I'm sure you've experienced them indirectly.

Maybe you were told you're fat like this...

Or maybe it was like this...

Or even this...

However it happened, those feelings of physical inadequacy stuck because there was nothing that came before them that could have taken their place.

I want to share something with you guys that Kate Winslet said, that is so powerful to me.

As girls growing up, there are always certain women in our lives who we look up to, and because we admire them so much, they are by default beautiful.  But they, like us, have grown up in a society where loving and accepting your body is as taboo as being fat.  Because of this, we grew up watching the women we found so beautiful degrade themselves and their appearances. 

While your role models surely didn't mean you any harm by not actively embracing their chubs, the damage was surely done: if the women we admire most in the world continually put themselves down, how can we possibly grow up to see ourselves as beautiful? 

And if those women could have such a profound effect on you, imagine the kind of effect you're having on the women you surround yourself with.  Which leads me to my major point: learning to love your body does not end with you.

Let that sink in for a second. 

Loving your body and outwardly promoting this acceptance goes so far beyond yourself.  It sends a message to every other woman out there who is struggling with the same things we all are.  It sets an example for the women who look up to you (yes, you!), and it sets a precedent for an honorable way to treat ourselves that will eventually filter down to the next generation of women, little girls who right now have yet to learn that it isn't okay to love yourself just the way you are.

It is only by consciously rejecting the superficial standards of beauty society has defined for us that we can be free to love ourselves and teach our friends, our family, and our daughters to love themselves the way that every girl should.  It's a long road ahead of us, but the good news is this: it only takes one person to start a movement, and you can be that person.  Every time you put a little positivity into the world, you drop a tiny pebble into the sea of women who are still stuck feeling like they will never be good enough.  And while it may seem too small to make an impact, just keep in mind that every pebble makes a ripple on the water, a ripple that will always travel far further than you ever could have expected.  If we do this together, one by one, we could change the world. #

Fat ain't that bad.

Alright y'all.  Here's the lowdown for the week.  Some days, no matter how hard you try to stay positive, remind yourself you're beautiful and treat yourself with compassion, you're just going to feel fat.  Unfortunately it's one of those facts of life that seems to be unavoidable as a woman in the 21st century.

But instead of wallowing in hatred of your little tummy pooch or just-too-jiggly arms, how about a little reminder from one of my favorite women that fat is not the end of the world?

Take a peek...

 

How about that ladies and gents?  I want to talk about this for a moment because I think it's important in the journey towards self-love that you have something to cling to during a setback.  Sure, when I'm feeling down on myself, do I try to brighten things back up?  Of course!  But does it always work?  No.  Some days it's just not going to happen. Some days life just throws you a bad mood that you're going to have to ride out.  But do you have to do it without a little help from your friends?  Nope!

One of the things that helps me through these "moods" (and I call them moods because it's not like you're any fatter than you were yesterday when you were feeling fine), is reminding myself that even if I have somehow magically become fat overnight, it's really not the end of the world.  Because at the end of the day, even if you really are little chunky, there are so many things that are worse than being fat.  As Ms. Rowling so aptly addresses, would you really rather be skinny and superficial?  Skinny and bitter?  Skinny and bland?  In this moment, you might be thinking, "Yes, I actually would, so why don't you just leave me alone and let me wallow in my obesity?!"  Because we both know that's not true!  We both know that once you get past that shitty mood you're in right now, you are one seriously incredible woman with so much more going for you than your pant size alone. 

One of the worst things about humans is that we're so quick to judge each other, especially us girls.  We will judge virtually anybody based on a little extra thigh or some overhanging back fat.  But one of our biggest flaws is also one of our greatest attributes, in a sense, because if we're judging each other on being fat, that means that we can also judge each other (and ourselves) on other things as well.  Do you have a killer sense of style?  One point for you.  Do you help others without being asked?  That's another one.  Are you really great at the things you set your mind to? You're up to three!  Got a bright shining future ahead of you?  Four for you, Glen Coco!

When you're playing the "I'm so fat the world is going to end" game with yourself, take a moment to remember that you are so, SO much more than your weight or your measurements or anything else you've decided to physically judge yourself on.  Of course it's okay to have a bad day.  Of course it's okay to just let yourself feel bad for a little bit.  But while you're feeling bad, just take a moment to remind yourself that this mood is going to pass, and even if those fat feelings remain for a while, you are still just as amazing as you were before these feelings hit.  If you're willing to put aside your body issues for just a second and recognize the one thousand positive things that make you a beautiful, strong and incredible human being, I promise you that other people will start doing the same. #

Radical self acceptance.

Today I was researching the self-love movement, and one of the things that kept coming up was the notion of "radical self acceptance." I think the name of this movement in itself speaks a lot toward the state of women's affairs in the world today: how is it that we have gotten to a point at which accepting yourself and learning to love your own body is somehow "radical"?

I'll tell you how.  By openly loving your body, you're telling the rest of the world that you're happy with it.  And the rest of the world is thinking, "how can she be happy with her body when it's so far from perfect?  How can she love something that needs so much work?" That's your fear anyway, isn't it?

In a world where we constantly strive for the newer and the better, we're afraid to accept the bodies we have now because doing so somehow feels like we've stopped moving forward.  It feels like if we love our bodies now, we're giving up on any progress in the future.  But that's just not the case.

Body love and self-acceptance means loving and accepting your body at this exact moment in time, regardless of how close to or far away from your goals you are.  It means realizing that there is always going to be room for improvement, and because of that, if we keep waiting for the "perfect form," it may never come.  It means realizing that life isn't about the destination, it's about the journey.  And it means realizing that it's high time you give yourself a break and let yourself off the hook for once.


I found this print today and it really inspired me:

The battle towards self-acceptance is a long and hard one, and it is one fought on a road littered with the ghosts of years of belittling yourself and your body in the past.  Breaking this addiction is not something you can successfully do with a half-way approach.  If you really want to learn to love yourself, it's all or nothing.  You either try your hardest every day until it's real, or you don't make any progress at all.

Every day will be a challenge, and every day you're going to have to face this journey with courage.  But perhaps the most incredible thing about this journey is that in the end, the race is only against yourself. Keep banishing negative thoughts, keep redirecting that energy into positive ones, and each day you're a little closer to a self-acceptance that is going to feel better than any Victoria's Secret body would ever feel. #

Perfect girl?

As many of you know, I've been off the map recently in preparation for a big move to Hawaii at the beginning of next month!

However, I saw something today that has me back on the bandwagon fighting for self-acceptance!

Here's what magazines are preaching these days:

I would like to draw your attention to the second line.  It reads (en francais): the perfect woman should have "not an ounce of fat."

Not an ounce.

I'm so glad this French fashion magazine set me straight, because I was mistakenly under the impression that women are supposed to have MULTIPLE ounces of fat, namely for the sake of reproducing in the name of our species.  However, I'm all for eliminating fat specifically for the purpose of eliminating the generations of chauvinistic pigs who continue to teach our daughters that, heavens forbid, an ounce of fat means you are no longer a worthy woman.

I'm going to put this one to all you ladies out there and let you think about, for yourselves, why that "archetype of the perfect woman" above is so much more worthy of our love, admiration, and respect, than this one:

Or this one:

 Or this one:

Or the most important woman of all: yourself.  The next time you open a fashion magazine and see "the perfect woman" staring back at you, stop and think for a moment: what does this woman have to offer that you don't?

The answer may come as a surprise: it's "nothing."

Keep a little bit of this sanity in mind when you enter the world of fake, photoshopped, airbrushed "perfection." #