Fat ain't that bad.

Alright y'all.  Here's the lowdown for the week.  Some days, no matter how hard you try to stay positive, remind yourself you're beautiful and treat yourself with compassion, you're just going to feel fat.  Unfortunately it's one of those facts of life that seems to be unavoidable as a woman in the 21st century.

But instead of wallowing in hatred of your little tummy pooch or just-too-jiggly arms, how about a little reminder from one of my favorite women that fat is not the end of the world?

Take a peek...

 

How about that ladies and gents?  I want to talk about this for a moment because I think it's important in the journey towards self-love that you have something to cling to during a setback.  Sure, when I'm feeling down on myself, do I try to brighten things back up?  Of course!  But does it always work?  No.  Some days it's just not going to happen. Some days life just throws you a bad mood that you're going to have to ride out.  But do you have to do it without a little help from your friends?  Nope!

One of the things that helps me through these "moods" (and I call them moods because it's not like you're any fatter than you were yesterday when you were feeling fine), is reminding myself that even if I have somehow magically become fat overnight, it's really not the end of the world.  Because at the end of the day, even if you really are little chunky, there are so many things that are worse than being fat.  As Ms. Rowling so aptly addresses, would you really rather be skinny and superficial?  Skinny and bitter?  Skinny and bland?  In this moment, you might be thinking, "Yes, I actually would, so why don't you just leave me alone and let me wallow in my obesity?!"  Because we both know that's not true!  We both know that once you get past that shitty mood you're in right now, you are one seriously incredible woman with so much more going for you than your pant size alone. 

One of the worst things about humans is that we're so quick to judge each other, especially us girls.  We will judge virtually anybody based on a little extra thigh or some overhanging back fat.  But one of our biggest flaws is also one of our greatest attributes, in a sense, because if we're judging each other on being fat, that means that we can also judge each other (and ourselves) on other things as well.  Do you have a killer sense of style?  One point for you.  Do you help others without being asked?  That's another one.  Are you really great at the things you set your mind to? You're up to three!  Got a bright shining future ahead of you?  Four for you, Glen Coco!

When you're playing the "I'm so fat the world is going to end" game with yourself, take a moment to remember that you are so, SO much more than your weight or your measurements or anything else you've decided to physically judge yourself on.  Of course it's okay to have a bad day.  Of course it's okay to just let yourself feel bad for a little bit.  But while you're feeling bad, just take a moment to remind yourself that this mood is going to pass, and even if those fat feelings remain for a while, you are still just as amazing as you were before these feelings hit.  If you're willing to put aside your body issues for just a second and recognize the one thousand positive things that make you a beautiful, strong and incredible human being, I promise you that other people will start doing the same. #

Radical self acceptance.

Today I was researching the self-love movement, and one of the things that kept coming up was the notion of "radical self acceptance." I think the name of this movement in itself speaks a lot toward the state of women's affairs in the world today: how is it that we have gotten to a point at which accepting yourself and learning to love your own body is somehow "radical"?

I'll tell you how.  By openly loving your body, you're telling the rest of the world that you're happy with it.  And the rest of the world is thinking, "how can she be happy with her body when it's so far from perfect?  How can she love something that needs so much work?" That's your fear anyway, isn't it?

In a world where we constantly strive for the newer and the better, we're afraid to accept the bodies we have now because doing so somehow feels like we've stopped moving forward.  It feels like if we love our bodies now, we're giving up on any progress in the future.  But that's just not the case.

Body love and self-acceptance means loving and accepting your body at this exact moment in time, regardless of how close to or far away from your goals you are.  It means realizing that there is always going to be room for improvement, and because of that, if we keep waiting for the "perfect form," it may never come.  It means realizing that life isn't about the destination, it's about the journey.  And it means realizing that it's high time you give yourself a break and let yourself off the hook for once.


I found this print today and it really inspired me:

The battle towards self-acceptance is a long and hard one, and it is one fought on a road littered with the ghosts of years of belittling yourself and your body in the past.  Breaking this addiction is not something you can successfully do with a half-way approach.  If you really want to learn to love yourself, it's all or nothing.  You either try your hardest every day until it's real, or you don't make any progress at all.

Every day will be a challenge, and every day you're going to have to face this journey with courage.  But perhaps the most incredible thing about this journey is that in the end, the race is only against yourself. Keep banishing negative thoughts, keep redirecting that energy into positive ones, and each day you're a little closer to a self-acceptance that is going to feel better than any Victoria's Secret body would ever feel. #

Perfect girl?

As many of you know, I've been off the map recently in preparation for a big move to Hawaii at the beginning of next month!

However, I saw something today that has me back on the bandwagon fighting for self-acceptance!

Here's what magazines are preaching these days:

I would like to draw your attention to the second line.  It reads (en francais): the perfect woman should have "not an ounce of fat."

Not an ounce.

I'm so glad this French fashion magazine set me straight, because I was mistakenly under the impression that women are supposed to have MULTIPLE ounces of fat, namely for the sake of reproducing in the name of our species.  However, I'm all for eliminating fat specifically for the purpose of eliminating the generations of chauvinistic pigs who continue to teach our daughters that, heavens forbid, an ounce of fat means you are no longer a worthy woman.

I'm going to put this one to all you ladies out there and let you think about, for yourselves, why that "archetype of the perfect woman" above is so much more worthy of our love, admiration, and respect, than this one:

Or this one:

 Or this one:

Or the most important woman of all: yourself.  The next time you open a fashion magazine and see "the perfect woman" staring back at you, stop and think for a moment: what does this woman have to offer that you don't?

The answer may come as a surprise: it's "nothing."

Keep a little bit of this sanity in mind when you enter the world of fake, photoshopped, airbrushed "perfection." #

We're all women, right?

 Today I would like to talk about women's rights in regard to our diet culture.

Every single one of us has had this experience: you walk into a room and the eyes of every other woman is on you, picking you apart and tearing you down piece by piece until they reach their final judgment.  I want to emphasis the word "judge" here: women do not simply "take in" other women, we judge them.

It will never stop breaking my heart to see girls berate their fellow women for their weight, shape, size, hair, clothing, etc. just to give themselves a boost.  This is not to say that I don't participate in this behavior myself.  Far from it, we are all guilty of such participation; this is namely because we have been taught from an early age that women should be judged by their beauty first and foremost.  But the fact that everyone does it doesn't make it right and it doesn't make it true.  Conversely, men are far from held to this standard.

Imagine a man walking into a bar.  He is clearly unattractive, but he pulls up in the newest Porsche model, checks the time on his Rolex, and tips the bartender with $100 bills.  Obviously this is a man of high regard and he deserves our respect, regardless of his appearance, yes?  Now imagine the circumstances are tweaked: the man is not a man but an unattractive woman.  That woman, regardless of how wealthy or influential she is, will automatically be judged on her appearance first and foremost.  Further, if her appearance doesn't measure up, no amount of expensive dress or prestige will erase the fact that she is not attractive.

And therein lies the problem.  Wonder why women only make 77 cents to every man's dollar?  Here's your answer.  As long as women hold each other to the standard of being beautiful enough, thin enough, having full enough lips, tan enough skin, big enough breasts, long enough legs, flat enough abs, toned enough arms, or a round enough butt, they will continue to keep themselves down.

The last major feminist movement occurred when we stopped judging our fellow women by how perky their breasts were, burned our bras and let our hair grow long.  For the first time in a long time, we made progress in women's rights because instead of standing apart, eying each other from afar, we stood together for the collective female.

I think Naomi Wolf summarizes best what I'm getting at: think about the few women you know who are happy about the way they look, the number on the scale, and the tag on their jean, regardless of what those numbers are.  Those women are clearly the most dangerous, per say, because they are not restricted by what society thinks of them.

Think about what those few women have been able to accomplish, and then imagine if we all gave up our preconceptions about how much we should weigh, as well as how much all the other women in the room should weigh.  Imagine what we could do together, as an empowered female population.

Until we women can give up our conceptions of what female beauty should look like, we give up the most significant thing we have in the mounting battle over women's rights - our unity.  Divided we are powerless; united we can move mountains.

So do yourself a favor: the next time you start giving another woman the once-over, remind yourself that she is struggling with the exact same things you are, regardless of how put-together she looks.  You are united as sisters in female suffering as well as in the fight to advance women's rights everywhere.

Instead of looking at her as an enemy, look at her as a partner.  We are all partners in this struggle, and if we could put aside our superficial preoccupations and see the truly amazing women that surround us, fat, skinny, short, tall, we could do some truly amazing things.

The selfie.

I was recently reading a blog by a woman, Skinny Emmie, who has an awesome post about defining "skinny" as "being happy in your own skin."

I think this is really important because every girl grows up wanting to be "skinny," and every woman has some notion of what she will do when she is finally "skinny."  I think we should take a page out of Emmie's book, and instead of defining "skinny" as a certain weight or jean size, we define it as finally accepting our body and loving it the way we should.

If we started doing all of the things NOW that we used to reserve as things we could only do when we reached our goal weight, we could instantly be living happier and more fulfilling lives.  Think about it: who says you can't love the pictures others take of you unless you have a "perfect" body?  You look magnificent in that bikini, cellulite and all!

So, in that spirit, I have decided to do something I have always wanted to do, as soon as I got "skinny": post an awesome poolside vacation photo online!  Don't you always envy those beautiful, "skinny" girls with their super cool poolside vacation pictures on Facebook?

Well fear not, bloggers! I have now officially proven once and for all that you can indeed post a bikini picture online AND include some unedited cellulite and tummy pooch, and the world will not crumble and fall!

I went back and forth a lot with this decision because it's one of those that makes me feel very vulnerable, but I decided to practice what I preach and accept my slightly inebriated Mexican bikini body, in public and on the internet, once and for all.  And you know what?  It feels pretty great. #

Keep kicking.

"Radical self love is a daily fight."  There are some days you'll wake up and feel great, there are some days where you'll look in the mirror and wish you never started down this path.  We live in a society that constantly reinforces the perception that you're never good enough.  You will spend the rest of your life fighting this.  It's going to be a long, hard war, and I can't promise you we'll win every battle.  But I can promise you this:

It will be worth it.  Be brave.  Join the revolution. #

Mind and body, body and mind.

Who here has watched The Biggest Loser?  Basically everyone, right?

In my opinion, weight loss shows are the bane of the body positive movement, and here's why: the entire show, be it one episode or a whole season, leads up to a single moment- the moment of the big revealing.  Everything is leading up to the moment where you finally get the "money" shot: the before and after.  Whether it's jumping through a blown-up picture of your old body, or coming down a staircase to stop at a cardboard cutout of your former self, there is always a big moment in which you see the end result, the final goal, the ultimate transformation.

Here's where I get really aggravated: whenever you see interviews of people who have lost a significant amount of weight, they reveal their "new" body and then talk about their "old" body as if it wasn't really part of them at all, as if it was a body they were trapped in and that this "new" and supposedly better body is the "real" them.

One of the many things I think Western culture has lost touch with over the years is the perception of body, mind and spirit as one entity.  In our Western mode of thinking, we look down at our body from our mind as if it's somehow separate. In many cases, women refer to their body as an "it," as if our body is simply an object, not part of us but simply where we live, as if our body is some dilapidated house we have to reside in for now, until we can do some major home improvement projects and really make it our home.

Here's what those people have missed: your body is absolutely intrinsic to who you are.  You are not better than your body and you are not worse than it.  You are part of it and it is part of you, and possibly THE most important step in ending body hatred is realizing this.  Those "weight loss success stories" may have lost a lot of weight and changed how their body looks, but it's still the same body, plus or minus a few fat cells or some muscle tissue. 

You do not live in your body.  You ARE your body.  For better or for worse, every freckle, scar, wrinkle and stretch mark is a postcard along the road of that little adventure we call life.  Why would you not want to embrace every little thing that makes you the person you are today? I hope that by learning to embrace your body as your home, you will also learn to show it a little more kindness and realize all the incredible things it does for you, without asking anything in return. #